So really this is just kind of like a journal thing where I talk about my day, what's happening in it, and all that jazz. So without furthur a do, here I go.
Note: I will change the names of the people I'm talking about for the sake of not exposing them and if they read this them to be upset that I mentioned them. Basically so no creep can get a hold of them. So yeah. :)
Today the date is April 5th, 2014. But I don't want to talk about today, not now, even though today has been mind blowing. I don't want to talk about a specific day in general, I just want to talk about a person. One person, my best friend, Carson.
To put it short, I have feelings for him. Carson puts light in my day, makes me smile, makes me feel stronger when I feel weak, assures me that everything will be okay when I don't think they will and is just the most amazing person I've ever had the fortune to meet. He's also someone who shares the same dream I have and him and I both want to go to New York together to pursue Broadway.
The only problem is, is I think another friend of mine, April, has feelings for him.
I've worried about it since this show we were in, The Little Mermaid, that he's end up liking her, or she'd end up liking him and the worry is making me sick. He recently broke up with his girlfriend so he's newly single and a couple of days after they broke up his older sister Kayla told me that she thought he was crushing on April, because he mentioned that one of the reasons they broke up is because he had a crush but he never said the name. They were both the leads in this show, he was Eric and she was Ariel, and I just felt it. That something would happen between them. Romantically.
I mean, if she tells me she likes him, I'll suck it up, swallow the tears and let her have him. She deserves to be happy, they both deserve to be happy, even if it kills me.
Carson is just this all around amazing guy, he's sweet, and genuine, he's the best actor I know, an amazing singer, basically just the most talented man I know, he's my best friend. I'm also going to throw out there that he was the most amazing eyes. They were just so blue, I get lost in them.
Sometimes he just looks at me, just prolonged eye contact and I can't look away, when he hugs me I never want to let go, when he's around. I never want him to leave. I have so much fun with him. I spend a lot of weekends, well even week days at his house with a bunch of other friends, April included and I see how touchy they get. I honestly feel like they're already a thing but because he just left his girlfriend they are keeping it quiet.
They always snap chat each other. They can be two feet away from each other and they're snap chatting.
I know I'm not as thin, or beautiful, or talented as April but the sick, terrible, mean part of me wishes that Carson won't like her.
Even if Carson and I don't last for long, at all, I just want a chance with him.
Just Carson.
I should have seen it coming, should have known that they would end up being a thing.
I guess I just hoped.
