Listen Wattpad, anyone here. I just need to get this off my chest okay?
Let me start with Lewis (Formerly Carson, I changed it, because Carson is the Lewis in my drabbles and I'd rather their names be the same, so yeah.)
This whole knowing that I don't have a chance, in any way, never will is bumming me out.
It bums me out when him and I see each other everyday, we could be alone, but if she, April, snap's him, I don't exist.
Call me terrible, but I'd kill for half the attention she recieves from him, I'd kill for just anything. I don't see Lewis a lot anymore, different classes and what not, except for Tuesdays, and Tuesdays have become his all great day because I know it's just him and I for three hours and it's not him, myself, and then myself erased because April is the girl he wants.
I'm terrible, and it's going to sound super jealous, and I guess that's just because I am. Don't get me wrong, I love April to bits, she is a sweet girl, very intellegent, a great friend to me, and I never want that to change, and I certainly want them both to be happy, but does it have to be at my expense, my sacrifice every time just for my friends to be happy. Aren't I allowed to be happy just once?
I mean, of course, if they get together I'll put on my brave face and swallow the tears the best I can. But it's going to hurt. A lot.
Today in fact, I mentioned to my friend, in the Drabbles I believe it's Krysta, something about my crush on Lewis, the same time Lewis walked back into the room and he asked what we were talking about and I said that I was talking about how terrible my dad treats my brother. My dad does treat my brother terribly, but it was certainly not what we'd been mentioning. She winked at me, she understood.
We, Krysta, Lewis, and I discussed Lewis' past relationship with the Jenna character of my drabbles. They broke up, and he's better off without her, and there was so much I longed to say, Krysta kept saying how he needed a girl to support him and all of this stuff that I've been doing and would continue to do, and it took so much not to just look at him and confess my crush on him.
But I can't, I'm sworn by my secret because of April. I don't ever want to screw up her chance at happiness, especially with an amazing guy like Lewis.
I went to her about it a few days ago, and she feels really bad for getting in the way of it. I don't want her to feel bad, but if the roles had been switched I'd feel bad to, so I can't get to angry.
Oh! Apparently Jenna didn't like me spending so much time with Lewis because she thought I had feelings for him, I guess I did, but I would never wreck a relationship for my own benefit. No no no. That is not the way to do things. I want my friends to be happy, so even if I wasn't happy, if they were that's all that mattered.
I think there is more, but I have to get to bed, I have a Great Gatsby party to attend tomorrow, and I'm singing "My Man" originally written by Fanny Brice, later put into Funny Girl sung by Barbara Streisand.
So, farewell, goodnight, and sweet dreams to all.
~Bry
AKA: Julietta - According to my Drabbles at least.
