What do we do in this situation?

All alone

(Meredith didn't leave Mcdreamy's house)
Is this how my life is gonna be? All alone with my 3 kids? The man that I loved, my soulmate.. My best friend..died by a semi-truck. And a small hospital couldn't do their job done..why did it have to be Derek?? First I didn't realise how much I need him, but over the past 3 years it became horrible. I forgot about Nathan because that stupid idiot got back with Megan. They got married and she's expecting a child..I wanna have an other child too, but only with Derek and that's impossible now. Sometimes I miss him so much that I just want to cut open my wrists so I just can go to Derek. But I'll leave many people behind, my kids and Alex. These are the people I'm staying alive.

I wake up, alone again. On my side of the bed. Cold and lonely..it used to be the opposite, warm and lovely.. I get up and I washed my face, to wipe of the tears from my night mares.

"No running ever, nobody walks out"

Meredith, just focus.

"To love each other even when we hate each other"

God damn it focus..

"I'll die when I'm 110 years old in your arms"

Damn it stop. I started to get weakened again.

"It was like I was drowning and you saved me"

I sit on the bathtub for 15 minutes when Maggie came in with Zola. My eyes were puffy, tears still rolling if my cheeks.

"Mommy..Are you okay.."

"Yes sweaty, I'm okay."

"Zola, can you go to Amelia for a second?" Zola ran out the room.

"Mer, breath in and out.." She needed to do this day in day out. Because they never go away.

"I'm fine again, will you and Amy dress and feed the kids again? I'll go get dressed." She nodded and I got dressed. I walk into the hall and hear the kids talking.

"Maggie...? When will everything be normal again?"

"What do you mean zozo?"

"You know..getting daddy back, getting my mommy back..Mommy isn't the same as she used to be..I miss mommy.. I want it to be normal again.." Oh gosh...

"Hey little guy, let's get you something to eat." I hear Amy. "What did you draw there?" I said as I walked in, trying to get in mommy mode.

I looked at the drawing and saw a family with broken hearts. A woman with tears in her eyes, which above said mommy. A man who has wings and is looking down at the woman and her kids was Daddy..and the kids who are abandoned.." Oh guys, come over here y'all" I get Ellis out if the chair and placed her on the ground next to Zola and Bailey.

"Guys, I know I haven't been spending much time with you guys..and I'm so so sorry about that..But mommy has pain in her heart, from missing daddy..I'll be more aware of that next time.."

They nod and we left for work. When we arrived I dropped the kids of in day care and went to the attending lounge. Callie, Arizona, April, Jackson Megan and Nathan were all there..In a flirty mood, teasing and kissing each other. I ignore them and walk to my locker and change. I catch Nathan starring at me the whole time. "And what are you looking at?"

Alex walks in with a huge smile on his face. We have grown apart more and more, and I feel like a shadow to everyone..No body cares about me..and nobody sees me.

"Got good news Mer!"
"What is it ?"
"I proposed to Jo."
" Then it's the best Idea to tell me! Huh?! I'm a widow and my life is a living hell and nobody, not a single person helps me! I had to hear from my own childeren that I'm not the same anymore! Because I miss my husband so much! I'm basically just a shadow to everyone!" Everyone was looking at me.
"Great.." I added before leaving the room.

So I removed "when I see you Again and I'm gonna be doing this new book. Hope you like the first part of it.. There will be more soon!
~Lizzie ❤️