losing my sanity (book one)

chapter one: the before

Clarke's POV

I could never figure out the words to say to him. What would I even say? We've been through everything together, life and almost death (multiple times). I couldn't ruin everything that we've built up. I was so focused on saving my people, I didn't care what happened to me. But Bellamy? I would never let anything happen to him. He doesn't know, and he might never know, but, I always knew I loved him even when I told him I hated him. At first, it was a simple love, one where I knew why I loved him, and that reason being that we survived being on the ground together and we saved each other's lives. He was there for me, and I was there for him. There was no hot romance, but it was still love. I would do anything for him, and I know he would do anything for me.

"You look deep in your thoughts, is now not a good time?"

Bellamy.

"I wasn't thinking about much anyways. What's up?"

"I was just going to watch the sunset with everyone else, just thought I'd ask if you want to come."

"Y-yeah, um, yeah, that sounds great."

He helped me up and I brushed away the dirt.

"Is Raven going to be there?" I asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"Just wondering, I haven't had time to really catch up with her."

"Yeah, she went through a lot, but your mom is monitoring her health, she seems stable." He replied.

"That's good..so, Bellamy, have you ever wondered what it's like up in space right now? I mean, we haven't been on the ground that long, but I still wonder, is it the same? Is it even still there?"

"Clarke..it was a high tech, industrial space station, I'm sure it's still in space," he laughed.

"No, I get that, but, I just feel like, maybe it's changed. Maybe it's colder, maybe it's dull, or maybe-"

Bellamy interrupted by saying,

"Why do you even care? We're never going back to space."

"You don't know that."

"Well, if there's even a slim chance we go into space again, will you be my co-pilot?"

I laughed.

"Co-pilot? Bellamy, I can probably fly a space ship better than you."

"Yeah you probably can," he smiled then said, "Seriously though, if we ever go back up, the first thing I want to do is look down at Earth with you. See it's true beauty."

"It's a deal."