Whirlwind

6 - [Forward] Fall 2014

[Riley]

"The winner for this year's award is ..."

This process of swallowing my spit in hopes that my nerves would at least cooperate with me and seize was becoming entirely too repetitive right now, and failing at that. My patience was wearing thin to say the least and especially since it seemed like I had been sitting in this spot forever, waiting for the announcer to say who had won 'Song Of the Year'. Elhae had been nominated by the BMI academy for his performance on Halfway Love and I just so happened to be co-writer of the record. So that meant I had to be in attendance tonight while also preparing myself for other possible wins and loses.

There were so many talented artists and songwriters gracing the room who were suited for this award, but maybe due to my friendship with Elhae, I felt he deserved this more than any of them. I had watched him slave over his music then use it as a weapon to take over the R&B scene for the second year in a row now. He was leaving a huge mark on the genre with his early 2000s rhythm and blues webbed with rap sound and he did it all without the features of another artist. I just gave the outline of what people may want to hear for this particular song and he painted the picture.

It's crazy to think about how we met back in my college years while sharing a few of the same general education courses. Unlike myself, he actually majored in music and made use of his degree during the years to follow. Although we lost touch after graduation, we happened to cross paths at the same coffee shop Donovan and I always unwinded at.

It was then back in 2011, after many years of contemplating, when I finally realized it was time for me stop living that rather systematic lifestyle and put to use the talent God gave me. I was taking a huge chance, but with a lot of prayer and support, I made it. The day we both met again was the same day I quit my job. The universe was working some kind of wonders because that night we met at a studio and ever since our few collaborations have been successful. None of it happened overnight, but soon we were both hitting goals we set for ourselves. And that year was only the beginning of both our now fast paced careers.

I took a deep breath as Donovan and Leslie sat on each side of me and held onto my hands. Without them there my nerves would have me shaking out of my skin. With all this sitting, waiting and hard thinking I had fell into a deep trance. Everything about tonight and every other evening I attended these kind of events seemed so surreal. This one however didn't become real until I felt Leslie pushing me forward and out of my seat. Elhae had just won and he was standing before me, waiting with his hand out to walk over to the stage. Once I finally looked up and realized this moment was actually happening, I nervously smiled and followed behind him. Everything after that, from actually walking on stage to accepting, became a blur. That one win happened to turn into a night of many others and eventually I became numb to it all.

This wasn't a first though. Like usual my mind blanks completely out, the excitement dies and I simply become a robot, coming and going when need be. More than anything, I'm ready to go home and escape, and after another hour of the repetitiveness that's exactly what I did.

Leslie and I were rushing toward the doors the first chance we got, aiming to beat the crowd before it started. Even with the many invites to these things, I was still quite the introvert. I enjoyed my work, but I didn't enjoy the work I had to do outside of it. Somehow I was grouped into the category 'celebrity' all because of the additional commas in my account and list of acclamations and awards that followed it.

With that comes the job of interacting with peers and creating a facade that made them believe I was worthy of that title. This industry was damn near a live version of Monopoly and role playing all in one. You chose your character, move with the right crowd, make the best moves, money and succeed. And at the end, you just hope you didn't lose your dignity and soul. If not then you'd go unnoticed, and that was the easiest thing that could happen to anyone. For myself, I was still learning to play this game while still staying true to myself - whoever she was.