Whirlwind

17

[Lamarr]

I hated her alarm with a passion man. For some reason, compared to my own, it was louder and once it stopped ringing that xylophone sound had this weird dingy effect that lingered along. It was like an echo that remained after to keep reminding her and whoever else was around to wake up. I was hearing it loud and clear as I tossed my legs over the edge of the bed and groaned. Mel was awake already, I felt her body tossing and turning beside me while I remained in a light sleep for the past fifteen minutes or so. This alarm had been going off for the past five but she let it continue on, pissing me off by every second. I knew for a fact she was doing it all on purpose too.

For the last few days every bit of communication or action toward me was given with a bitterness. She'd toss my pillows to my side of the bed, try her best to ignore me and disregard my efforts to simply talk. All her little notes she'd usually leave scattered around the house before she left for work and even her mid-day text messages had gone ghost. Mel made sure by any means that we never had to interact with each other long enough for her to get pissed and start an argument but I'd take an argument over anything at this point. Anything over this game of pretending nothing is wrong when it's obvious there is would work for me.

"Dammit, I need to hurry up." I heard her mumble before throwing the covers from over her body and getting up to rush into the bathroom. No longer after I heard the door close she was locking it, making sure I wouldn't come near her. How am I living in a place I call home, with a woman I'm supposed to grow old with and being locked out my own bathroom? The shit didn't make sense to me and I'd be damned if she left here this morning and we still didn't say shit to each other. This would be the last day since our not so easy going session that I dealt with it.

As Mel prepared herself for her 10 a.m. flight to Chicago, I wandered around the bedroom grabbing something to wear then made a call to Mike about meeting up with me later this morning. The longer I was on the phone with him the more I realized she wasn't going to leave me much time to use our shower. That only left me with one other option and that was the bathroom in the guest room. If I didn't use it and quick, she'd just blame me for making her late and that is the last thing I needed happening. Even with my rushing to catch up with her and get dressed, I still managed to finish before Mel did. That gave me some time to sit in the living room and just think without anyone around. Something I've been wanting and needing to do for a while now.

This room or better yet this entire place we called home was feeling more and more like a prison. There were too many restrictions, forbidden things neither of us couldn't say or do and that bothered me. We used to be so open with each other and we actually acted as if we gave a fuck. Even when shit slowly began to go downhill I was able to look at Mel every morning and see that regardless of our bullshit, this was the woman I loved and had seen years go by with. We had been through enough obstacles for me to be sure whatever else we had to endure to make it was worth the trouble. But now, regardless of the good moments we experience here and there, I'm not sure if anything is enough for me to stick around and make this work. Especially if Mel wasn't going to realize that our problems were deeper than those she thought we had and accepting it all for what it is was a part of fixing us. Mel and I are on the brink of being a lost cause and she wasn't trying to accept that.

"Are you ready?" The stare my eyes were holding on nothing in particular spiraled off to Melanie as she stood beside the couch waiting for an answer.

"Yeah, you?" She nodded without uttering a sound then locked her purse over her shoulder, leaving me her luggage. It was natural for me to do these type of things for Mel. You know, carry her bags or just do anything she needed help with, so I usually don't mind but this morning I did. She wouldn't speak a word but expected me to still bend over backwards for her when she wanted me too. Why am I even surprised? Why am I surprised that regardless I'd still do it? This all was just some strange shit to me.