Starry Nights- Ashton Irwin

16

I opened my eyes, a migraine pushing at the lids. Groaning and tossing I realized it was the beginning of night, my nap taking longer than I thought.

My nap was pretty interesting. First, when I had the sudden drowsiness, I saw a few shapes. No, not the normal black dots you get sometimes. It was more like a body, of that one kid, Ashton. It looked a lot like him, which would only make sense. He's the one I dream about, the one I seem to have much fun with, until I wake. I only see him when I'm asleep, or day dreaming to the point I'm falling asleep and the mysterious boy appears. He stands before me with wide eyes and a small smirk, like he was smug about something. That's how he always comes, sure and confident, but then my eyes close for sure and when they open again, I'm somewhere new. Usually in what seeme like an endless meadow of some sort, with tress surronding us for miles and miles. He likes to put our elbows together and guide me to a spot, nowhere in particular, but always different.

Ashton likes to change things a lot, so the green opening sometimes looks different. Things like the trees are facing inward, instead of straight. Or theres flowers everywhere, kinda just spread out to the point where you can't see the grass anymore. But it seems like no matter what he does, it always comes out beautiful. Sunny and bright, the sun shinning in perfectly to fit the mid-day weather that seems to never change. I love this place more than anything, including my own home. It's much easier there, no difficulities and nothing to worry about.

He seems like a very happy person, always laughing and smiling at the most idiotic things. Something simple like a butterfly flapping its small wings with a slight sideways action, he'll smile, the biggest smile, and point it out. Its quite adorable, really. How much he appreciates life and the little things to acquire it. So small, yet he adores it and shares it with such passion, it's incredible. He's very loving, always asking me how my day went and or how his company is making me feel, if he needs to be kinder or apologizing for stupid things like the grass being too green. He's just great.

Too bad he isn't real.

I mean, he seems like it, yes, but he isn't . He can't be, he's some boy in my dreams. I have a very imagiiative dreaming process, always have, so that's why this is like this. It's like I made him up just to have something fun in my life. Something to look forward to, other than just boring everyday things. Yeah, yeah. See, I'm not crazy. He's just all in my head.

I checked my phone, 11:34pm. Great, I'm wide awake and it's almost midnight. There's nothing on TV and I don't want to wake anyone by going and grabbing movies out of our very loud, sqeaky, cabinet for games, movies, toys, ect.

I laid there, eyes closed as I tried to drift off again. I didn't count sheep, I didn't think about how my day went, I didn't even try and think of blackness, I thought of the one thing that seemed to truly make me smile. Got it, fucking Ashton. Random things I have no reason to think about. What kind of food does he like? What's his favorite color? How old is he? Does he want children? Does he have kids? Does he have any siblings? Are his parents still together? Where has he lived most of his life? What does he want to? Does he have a job? Does he live alone? Does he....stop Rose. Stop, he isn't a person. He someone you made up, and going ahead and making him have a life story will only make it worse. So stop, count some fucking sheep.

After 30 minutes of staring into the darkness on the walls, I decided to do something I had been skipping out on for the last few weeks. I was going to work out. My feet made a soft jump and I made my way over to my dresser. There, I grabbed out a pair of old leggings that had stetched out a bit and a camasule. Getting dressed I remembered I had to bequiet, so I got my headphones so that the music wouldn't echo through the house.

Heading down the hall into the garage I grabbed three waters, making myself down one before being able to sweat any out. Always be careful when working out, in any way.I set the tredmile to a low point, not willing to make any kind of noise with jogging. I knew I'd be here for a while, so I brought my charger to plug in right beside my incase my phone decided to die on me.

I began to play my music, my head tossing and turning to the slow, upbeat, sounds that played through my ears. I kept it at a reseanable volume, enough to hear how loud I was being.

My eyes were closed most of the time I was walking, everytime I'd open them they'd be a bit blurrier. exactly what I wanted, I just wanted to sleep. No need to go to school cranky later today, 5 hours actually. Turning off the treadmile I turned to my dad's old punching bag. He's only used it a few times, so it was stilll in amazing shape. The dark black slickness of the rope shinned when it turned, the bag itself being a smiliar color, but dull and rusty looking. I didn't mind, not like I'd be admiring it. I'd be hitting it, hopefully making my body calm down and pass out easily.

I began to wrap a pair of gloves around my hands when I heard a noise. I frooze and pulled my headphones out, letting them drop into my palms. I listened and listened, waiting for my dad to burth through the doors and pull me into my room, but he never came. I must be hearing things.

When I turned around, something caught my eye. I turned, only to see what looked like a corner of a denim top or some kind of jacket dissapear. I couldn't define it, and since nothing stood in it's place all I could think of was I was seeing things, like usual.

I rolled my eyes and went back to the glooves, after having them on I out my headphones back in. Hitting softly at first, then going harder and harder as the minutes and seconds past. I went harder, faster, hitting air at times from my speed and lack of oxygen. I made myself sip some water before going back at it, feeling it working as my eyes tried to close.

"No, just a little longer," I whispered, my feet begining to jump up and down. The tips of my toes working hard to keep my balanced.

I had got so caught up in the moment I didn't even realize I was moving with such rapid speed, my glooves began to unloosen themselves and I was moving around the bag. Standing on the other side, not remembering moving at all, I stopped. I took a short breath and straightened up my glooves, ready to go at it some more when I heard another noise. I looked around and shooed at the air when nothing but a small fly hovering above my ear made any such movement.

My hands pained as I hit hard, my mind racing. I seem to become quite violent at moments like this, and all I could think about was my dad. His face becoming nothing as I hit him, harder than I was now. Oh, how I wish. How hard I would hit him, how many times I would, how helpless he would look when a teenage girl broke his nose and jaw.I clenched my teeth at the thought of it.

I laughed when his blood started staining our kitchen floors as I banged his face into the counter, knocking him uncouncious. My eyes blurred and my body went numb. I felt myself shaking, but I put that away. I only focused on how I was going to hurt him, the way he hurt my mother and I.I could hear my mom screaming "No," in the background, yelling for my to stop, but all I could see was white. The numbness stayed and all I could do was go with I wanted, and that was blood. I got on top of him and picked up the beer bottle he had dropped when I first opened a cabinet into his face. Before I could break the bottle open and end him for sure, my momhad pulled me back off of him. Her limp body effortsly lifting me off my father, no matter how much i struggled, she had it. I couldn't believe it, but I almost did it. And the only reason I felt like crying was because he was still breathing. That bastard was still alive and I couldn't do anything about it.

I felt a wet substance across my face, and when I tried to open my eyes I heard a soft voice say ",It's okay, you're fine. Nothing happened, you blacked out. You're fine, you're fine."

I breather hard , sitting up only to see I was in my room. I have no idea how I got here, or how long I've been out, but I'm guessing I'm almost alsleep, since his voice is playing in my head.

I grabbed for my phone, seeing it was laying on my stomach. It was already 3:42am, and I was ready to sleep. Just sleep, and forget. Sleep and forget.

Rolling over I felt my eyes twirl, dizziness. He was laying there, worried eyes looking towards my direction. "I'm fine, I'm fine," I waved my hand lazily and laughed at nothing in particular. Telling the fucking air I was fine, yeah. Of course I was fine.

I smiled and tried to think things trough before sleeping. The more I tried to remember what had happened, the less I could. Like my mind was reversing itself and erasing all possible knowledge of me in the last few hours. I couldn't think straight and I kept falling faster and faster.

So , I let myself fall. And soon enough, I was back in the meadow with a very worried looking boy.