Harry Styles Imagines

#Harry#Part2

I close the backdoor, which I was coming through and lean my back against it. Tears are slowly running down my cheeks. I feel so lost right now. Helpless.

It was my chance to tell Harry that I love him. More than just a best friend. But I didn't. Instead I made up a lie. A huge one. I told them that I have a crush on this Matt guy. Liar. And to make matters worse Harry announced that he has a crush on Brittany. Only her name is making me want to throw up.

To know that the boy I love loves another girl just hurts. But it's not just another girl. It's Brittany.

I should be happy for Harry. But I just can't. It hurts too much. I know Harry never meant to hurt me. But he did.

By now I am probably crying a river. But I don't care. I need something to ease the pain.

I walk up the stairs to my bedroom. I close the door behind me and go straight into the bathroom. Once again I open the drawer under the sink and take out my razor. My dearly beloved razor.

I roll up the sleeve of my shirt. The little cut on my left wrist is still a little bit red, but it seems to be okay.

I hold the razor tightly with my right hand. My hand is shaking as I bring the razor closer to the skin of my left hand. The blade comes in contact with my hand and I apply a little bit pressure. The first cut is done.

Worthless. Ugly. Stupid. Not enough. Fat. Bitch. Helpless. Hopeless. Alone....

One cut for each attribute.

I put the razor back and clean up the mess I made. I wipe away the blood with a towel and bandage my hand. These cuts are deeper than usually. But who cares?

Nobody cares about you.

The quiet voice in my head speaks up. Although this voice is quiet, almost a whisper, it seems as if it is louder than everything else in my mind.

I change into my pj's and drag myself into my bed, hoping that I'd fall asleep any second. But it seems as if my mind doesn't want me to get my needed sleep.

I turn around but I can't find a comfortable position. I turn once again so I'm facing the white ceiling. And instantly I start to think. About everything.

About my horrible life. About....ugh Brittany. About my scars. About Harry.

I love him. Damn, I love Harry Styles, my best friend. I had the chance to tell him what I truly feel about him, but no, instead I lied. I made him believe that I have a crush on this Matt. Why did I do this? Back then, it seemed to be wise to lie. But now? It's the most stupidest thing I could have done. Otherwise, he said that he has a crush on Brittany so it would have been pretty embarrassing to tell him what I feel. I would have been rejected. And to make matters worse I'm sure that my silly feelings would have ruined our friendship. They are still the biggest problem in our friendship, but as long as Harry doesn't know about them, he won't think about the whole 'I've fallen for my best friend' thing.

I need to get rid off my feelings. They have to go away. I need an idea. A great idea. Looks like it's going to be a long night.

***

Last night I was thinking. A lot. I have almost a lightly headache. But I've got the perfect idea. Well, perfect to get rid off my feelings. Horrible for our friendship. I'm going to avoid and ignore Harry.

Just as the thought of avoiding my best friend crosses my mind I nearly choke on my cereals. That's going to be hard. We're neighbours, we see each other at school, we walk together to school, we-.