Harry Styles Imagines

#Harry#Part3

"(Y/N)." His voice sounds so weak. Broken.

Now I feel even more horrible. Knowing that he's hurt because of me. Hurting other people was never my intent. Usually, it's the other way round. People are hurting me. With words. With fists. They always find a way, to bring me closer to the edge. To the edge of a deep dark hole. A hole, which I'm never gonna get out of. A hole, with no light in it. A hole, with no hope at all. Just a dark hole. As dark as my thoughts. My depressive thoughts. Mixed up with my stupid feelings. These feelings ruined everything.

Because of these feelings, I decided to avoid Harry. At least I tried to. But looking at where I am now, in the bathroom with Harry, you can see that my plan 'avoid your best friend' works very well.

I look down again. I don't want to meet his gaze. His intense stare. I don't want to look into this piercing green eyes of his, which are holding so much emotion. And which are probably watery. Harry is more emotional than other people think. Especially when it comes to persons, that mean a lot to him.

His fingers are still placed under my chin and soon he titles it up again.

Now I have to look at him. At my best friend. Who knows me probably better than I know myself. Who was always there for me when I needed a shoulder to lean on. When I needed someone to talk to. When I just needed company. Or when I just felt like goofing around.

Harry was always there for me. I was always able to rely on him. And I shouldn't let my silly feelings ruin our friendship. They'll go away. They have to. I can't feel like this about him forever. It's going to be normal again. I don't know when. But everything will be alright. I know it.

He lifts his free hand and strokes gently over my cheek. I covered the bruises with makeup, but I can't cover the still burning pain. I flinch a little under his touch.

"I'm sorry." He murmurs and removes his hand, only to take my hand in his, intertwining our fingers.

"It's okay." I smile a half smile at him, which he returns. But his bottom lip is slightly trembling.

"Who d-did this?" He observes my nose. It can't be broken. No, it was just a little punch.

"N-No one did." I stutter.

"Are you ever listening to what I'm saying? You can't fool me. And it's obvious that someone humiliated you." He removes his other hand from under my chin and runs it through his hair. A sign of frustration.

"I.....I mean....I just.....can't." I manage to say. There's no way I'm going to tell him that our 'oh so innocent' Brittany is bullying me since she set foot into this school.

"What do you mean? You have to tell me what happened, (Y/N)." He sighs.

I know he wants to help. I appreciate it, but I will not hurt him. I've already caused him enough pain. I don't need to tell him that his 'crush' is hurting me in every possible way. He wants an answer, but I just shake my head.

"Please." He begs and closes his eyes.

I look up at him to see a tear escaping his eye. That's what I was talking about. He's in pain. Pain I've caused.

I carefully wipe the tear away with my thumb. He opens his eyes again, only to stare into mine. It feels like he's looking straight into my soul. My damned soul. Yes, my soul is damned. Damned, to live with the constant fear of losing the battle. The battle I'm calling life.

There are so many reasons to give up. The scars, the fresh cuts, the bruises, the feeling of being worthless, loneliness, etc.

So many reasons to give up. But only one reason to stay alive. And this reason is huge. And reason enough to open my eyes in the morning. To give my life another try. Harry. He's the one thing that's keeping me alive. I can't leave him. I need him and he needs me. Probably not as bad as I need him, but he needs me. Although I know that he doesn't feel exactly the same about me what I feel about him, I know that he loves me. Just not in 'that' way. And that's why I can't leave. I have to stay. For him.