I never had a really good relationship with my mom since my parents got a divorce. I kinda always blame it on her. Maybe because it was her fault in a way that maybe I didnt get to hear both sides but if I were a lawyer. My mother would be guilty. She cheated. She acted like a freshman in college, going to parties. She was, keyword 'was', an acholic. She denied it. She got over it by herself once she found out i was cutting myself. Mainly because she focused on me a lot to try to stop it.
She claims that she loves me but I dont believe her. She treats me like shit. "Jo clean this." "Jo youre so fat stop eating" "Jo dont be so ridicoulous" "Jo stop yelling at your sister" "Jo why do you always take your fathers side?" "Jo he doesnt love you guys! Hes moved on to his girlfriend and her kids! He doesnt love you!"
He does love us. He does more for us then you ever will. I would live with him if I had the choice! I wouldnt be fat! Who cares if I have a fucking gut! Fucking no one! Like just leave me alone already! I always sigh and chuckle to myself when we get into fights because literally its her! It was because of her that i was cutting myself!
She dumps all her problems to me and I dont give a fuck but she forces me to do something about it! She claims to be in depression, SHE ISNT! I swear she isnt! I think I am if I do say so myself! 15 year old girls arent suppose to have grey hairs! yes! SO MUCH FUCKING STRESS! Then I rememeber that I only have 2 more years then Im out of here! I'm moving in with my bestfriend and you will have one less child to worry about! I honestly dont want to see her as much when I move out. Only my brother, sister and dad.
My dad is a pretty chilled guy. He understands and doesnt take shit so seriously. He deals with my anger the right way by just letting me vent then he catches my most hateful words and tells me to stop. We talk it out. Not yell and I dont get to say what I say then all of sudden apologize to me mid-arguement and gets me anger the next day!
My mom should know by now to not getting my fucking pissed because I dont know how else to take it than either writing....yelling or cutting myself and almost grab those pills that are hidden in my closet. Pain killers because I get night mares in the middle of the night a lot and my head is pounding but also to......get the freedom early when I feel like I need to.
"You should love your mom! She brought you here!"
Then she can take me back out because I'm so done! I can say this a million times and try a million times then I cant do anything about it because then I think that i cant see my favourite people ever again! It's so frustrating! So frustrating and I cant do shit! I hate life.
Stay Snazzy!
