A L O N E || K.TH

一

he ignored what happened the other day, after promising himself to never drink again.

he remembered the pain in his head that morning, but it could never compare to the pain in his heart.

as cringy as it sounds it was how he truly felt. what happened wrecked him.

he would never be the same, at least that's what he told himself.

today he wanted to not think about it. he wanted to try to be happy.

—

he breathes in fresh air, a small smile forming on his lips.

that was the first time he genuinely smiled since the incident.

he stopped, the thought once again running through his mind.

why? why can't I be happy?

at least for one day.

he remembered back before it all happened. he remembered how he used to smile all the time.

his friends would be jealous, asking him how he could be so happy all the time.

I guess times have changed.

he tried shaking his head, hoping the thoughts would all come falling out.

he must've looked like an idiot to the people passing by. he didn't mind them, all he wanted to do was forget.

is it that hard?

his eyes were no longer dry, tears threatened to spill. he blinked them away.

"get a grip of yourself" he repeated again, and again.

he wanted to end everything right then and there. he was always the one to comfort people, cheer them up.

he wished that he had someone like that for him right now, he always believed there was something to live for.

right now, he can't think of anything.

his friends and family loved him dearly yet they can't see how hurt he really is.

—

it seemed as if his life had gotten much worse. he was slowly losing his friends.

they didn't like being around him, saying he worries them too much. it doesn't really make sense, does it?

they don't know that he's lying, faking every single bit of happiness. why should they worry?

he was totally fine, except for the fact that he couldn't wash off the regret.

he remembered those words as if they were written in his brain.

"it's all your fault"

"Taehyung why?"

"you deserve to die!"

the last one hit him the most, yeah he knows it was his fault. but did people really have to rub it in.

it was as if they knew they would ruin him, make him slowly die of regret.

he needed help, he wanted to feel happy. he wanted to feel loved.

"why am I so alone?"