I Need You

Chapter Seven : "Love's Deceit/Was It Worth It?"

Tamir Bryant

Pleasure turns to the pain of lessons learned from the strain of the questions burned in my brain about whether love is humane in its touch.

These thoughts are like salmon swimming upstream in the tears of your deceit.

Fighting a current hurt that kills more than is created by the chaos of our intertwined emotions.
Chaotic because the anchor of Eros' arrow has been plucked from the vessel of my undying infatuation.
Separation not as simple as the distance between us.
My mind no longer possessed by the demons that had been the overseers of my enslavement to your lies.

The seeds of these lies rooted so deeply they've cracked the foundation of what we once shared.
Allowing the faith in us I had sealed inside to gush out like a river.

Ripping the image of our future together from my thoughts as violently and as brutally as if it were a child being taken from its mothers arms.
I'm left surrounded in darkness but I refuse to be swallowed by it.

My loneliness like night air; invisible to the eye obvious to the touch, in its cold uncomfortable ness.
Yet If I could do all over again I'd do it in the same skin I'm in.

To lay down and let love die, just stay down and let love lie.

No, no, no, no, not I.
I'll stay around and let love fly
Even though I've seen its darkest form; deceit
Nothing else could tastes this warm or feel this sweet.

Was it worth it? Was it worth falling in love with a complete stranger? Was it worth telling your story? Was it worth crying? Was it worth fighting? Was it?

You'll never understand how powerful love is until you experience it. I've underestimated it for the longest until I experienced it. I fell in love in the course of maybe three months, but it felt right.

She was my everything and to be honest, she still is. We're just lovers that eventually grew away from each other. It'll be nice to rekindle it, but I'm still holding onto hurt that I can't seem to let go.

"Ma?" I called out, walking into her house.

She didn't respond so I took it upon myself to walk to the back of the house. I found her in her room, ironing clothes while listening to some oldies. I smiled before calling her name.

"Ma." She stopped what she was doing and looked up and over at me. She smiled before coming to give me a hug.

"Hey son, where's my grandbabies?" She referred to Kilen and Kendrick.

"With Alexus. How you doing?" I leaned on her dresser, folding my arms across my chest.

"I'm good. How are you? Looks like something on your mind. Tell mama about it."

"Nah, I'm straight. It's nothing."

"Tell me." She sat the iron down and focused her attention on me.

"I didn't tell you, but I've finally seen Zoë."

"Really?" She smiled. "Did y'all talk?"

"Not necessarily. She tried but I blew it off because I realized I was still mad."

"You can't be mad at her for moving on with her life. Isn't that what you wanted her to do when you were locked up?"