I Need You

Chapter Eleven : "Addicted."

Tamir Bryant

The feeling of being intoxicated always calmed me down. I've never was the one to look to drugs as a way to cope but when life hits you hard you ease your way into that life. The bad thing about it now is that I'm kind of addicted.

Addicted to the feeling of being intoxicated with either a drug or an alcoholic beverage. Don't get me wrong, I don't smoke or snort any of that hardcore drugs. Just drugs like, marijuana.

We all find different ways to cope and going to a drug just was my way and have been for a few years. Once you're on, it's kind of hard to release yourself.

I don't blame anyone for my addiction and I don't act different when I'm intoxicated. My mind just slows down and I'm able to relax. I just pray and hope my addiction doesn't interfere with my son.

I will not be a replica of my no good sperm donor.

You'll think now that I'm older, none of the things that happen to me when I was younger will still affect my everyday life. Wrong. I believe as you get older, it affects you more than when you were actually living in it.

And everyday I battle with trying to remove every toxic thought and memory from my mind.

"Afeni Saiyr Johnson." I screamed my mother's full name once I walked into her home.

She came out of the kitchen with an irritated look on her face. I started smiling, admiring her beautiful brown skin tone. I don't think I ever mentioned this before, but she's the main reason I date and have dated just brown skins or dark skins.

Don't get me wrong I love all black women and I feel like all black women are mad beautiful, but I crave chocolate more than ever. I think that's because my mother use to tell me how much she didn't really like her skin tone until Travis drilled it in her head that she is beautiful and he love her melanin. I guess he was kind of good for something.

"Wassup my chocolate goddess?" I walked over to her, opening my arms for a hug.

"I like how you removed my married name." She said, referring to Bryant.

"Yeah, we're a Johnson, girl."

"Stop talking to me like I'm your friend, little boy." She pointed her finger in my face.

"Girl, I'm a grown as f-"

"I will beat your black ass." She said sternly and I burst out in laughter.

"Okay, chill." I finally got a chance to hug her. She pat my back and rubbed it.

"If I told you that I got Alexus pregnant again, would you be mad?" She immediately pushed me off of her which cause me to chuckle on the inside.

"What I told you about having unprotected sex?" She said, rubbing her hands down her face. "Tamir, tell me you're joking."

"What's the problem? I thought you like Alexus and plus we're both stable."

"That's not the point. You know I love Alexus like she's my own but y'all are not married nor are y'all in a relationship. You just can't go around having sex with her when you feel like it then impregnate her." I felt like she was about to go on and on so I needed to cut this joke out right now.