~Lams~ Love At First Glance || College AU *COMPLETED* *DO NOT READ*

Chapter 15: Lying to Ourselves

                                                 ~Alexander's POV~

'I messed up. I regret everything that happened in those few minutes. Why was I so dumb to even do that?'

"Don't expect me to talk to you for a long time." John mumbled.

"I understand." I accepted, with tears running down my face.

He gets ready for bed, and I look at the time.

"Go back to the party, go meet with your girlfriend." John teased, in a rude matter.

"So, a long time means 10 minutes?" I ask.

"Oh wait, sorry, let me shut up." he answered.

I hear laughing in the hallways, and it sounds like Eliza's.

I open the door to Eliza half way down the hall way with Angelica, I think. I walk up to Eliza.

"Eliza, can I speak with you privately?" I ask.

"About what?" she asks.

"You know." I reply.

"Fine." she responded.

We walk down the hallway, close to the end of it, and Angelica goes in her dorm.

"Eliza, about tonight, you've messed me up. I just lost someone I love so much, because of you. You're the one who randomly kissed me, and I wanted to say to never come to me again. I am not interested in you for the last time. I messed up last night, but you can be put at fault here too. Never talk to me again, never come near me again, never even look at me again." I rasp, as I walk back to my dorm.

I open the door, and attempt not to slam it.

I'm a total wreck because of tonight. I change, and try to go to sleep, but the thought of what I did kept me away, feeling like an idiot.

'I don't deserve him. I was a complete idiot. Why would I ever even think of doing that? I never want to even see Eliza again. I'll try apologizing again in the morning, but I know he's not gonna accept that.'

I start crying, as I fall asleep.

                                                 ~John's POV~

'I don't know if I should be angry or sad about the situation. I mean, I'm a mixture of  both. Though, I did hear Alex and what he said to Eliza, but still, he could be lying. He's probably interested in her.' 

I go to sleep.

*Next Day, 5AM.*

I wake up early.

'Getting over this is gonna be hard. I loved him so much, but now that's all gone, but I chose for it to be. I've made it so we can't talk it out, and it's my fault. Another thing, my fault. Everything is usually my fault, but both of us are at fault.'

Tears start rolling down my face. I become extremely weak.

I grab my notebook, and wrote the same phrase over and over again. 

I will love again. I will love again. I will love again.

Every time I rewrite it, I break down even more, but I'll convenience myself that my rewritten words will be correct.

I fill up page after page, breaking my heart even more. Line after line, letter after letter, I'm soaked in pain. Tears falling from my cheeks onto the pages. I stop after filling 6 pages. I felt like I was lying to myself. 

Alex wakes up.

I close the notebook quickly, and hide it under my pillow. I lay on my stomach as I take my blanket and pull it over me, trying to hide for no reason.

"John, I'm sorry. I don't deserve you. I'm an idiot. Please just talk to me. We can talk it out." Alex wept.

I get down from the top bunk, grab my phone and keys and rush out of the building. I heard there's a large plains near by, that is free for anyone to roam. I'll head there.

I walk for an hour until I find the plains. I see cherry blossom trees scattered around, planted by people near by. I sit up against one for hours, just admiring the life around me.

*Flashback, Narrators POV, John's Mind*

John's extremely homophobic father had just pinned him against the wall. John pushed his father's arm way from his shoulders, and ran out of the house. He walked down the road for 15 minutes.

He stopped, and put his back to a willow tree just in front of a lake.

That day forward, if he ever had gotten abused, we would run there to calm down, and ignore the fact that life was hard for him.

*Flashback ends, back to John's POV*

I start crying at the thought of my father, especially how he was so abusive towards me.

I'm all alone in the plains for 6 hours, around 3PM.

"John!" I hear from a far.

I look behind the tree, and see Alex looking for me from half way across the field. Alex spots me, and runs over.

"John, I'm so sorry about everything. I regret everything in those few moments. I love you so much, and I never should've even thought about it. I don't deserve you. You deserve better than me. I'm just an idiot, who doesn't think things through. Please, can you just talk to me? We can work things out, I promise."  Alex wept.

I hug him, tears rolling down my cheeks. We hugs me back.

"I love you too much to give you up. I accept your apology." I said, over my tears. 

A petal from the tree lands on Alex's shoulder.

We kiss.

an// i started crying myself while writing this oKaY

i'm totally mentally healthy

ye, i need mental help

Hope you guys have been like the chapters, I've been writing like Non-Stop rippp.