The Story of How I Died

Chapter 3: Everything's My Fault

Today was probably the worst day of my life. I went to school and everything was okay for the first three periods. Michelle kept telling me how she felt bad that she was the one who convinced me to talk to Haley and she felt like everything was her fault. I kept telling her it wasn't and it was Haley's fault. 

Last night before I went to bed, Dylan and I texted. He asked me why I was crying and I said I couldn't tell you. He kept bugging me about it but I still wouldn't tell him. Eventually he gave up. Now today I'm fucking nervous. I have no idea what's going to happen. What shit is going to happen today. 

At lunch, I stood awkwardly in line and I saw Haley. She stood in front of me then left. The fuck? Weird, I don't want to say anything to her. I grabbed my lunch and ate it quickly. 

After school, that's when all the drama began. At around 2:45 I called Dylan and asked how it went when he asked out Haley. 

"Hello?" Dylan answers the phone. 

"Hi!" I say.

"Oh hey."

"So, how did it go?" I ask nervously. 

"She said no..."

"Oh...My...God... I am so sorry Dylan!" I say, but really I'm jumping in joy inside. 

"It's okay." He says. 

"Do you know why she said no?" I ask him. Please don't say what I think your about to say.

"Well... She said she promised someone she would say no. Probably her ex-boyfriend or something.." He says sadly. Haley lied? Wow. 

I start saying how sorry I am when Haley said no. 

"It's okay, it's okay! It's not like it's your fault." He says. I felt like I just got kicked in the stomach several times. Now that I think about it now, it is my fault. Everything's my fault. My fault that Dylan and Haley are upset. EVERYTHING'S MY FUCKING FAULT! I shed a tear.

"Yea-yeah..." I stutter. 

"Hey I have to go now, I'll see you later." he says sadly. 

"Okay, bye..." I say.

He hung up. Oh. My. Fucking. God. It's my fault. It's my fault. It's all my fault! I feel like shit now. I start crying. I text Dylan how sorry I am. 

Isabelle: I am sorry, are you okay? 

Dylan: Well I feel like I'm about to cry but other that that I'm fine. 

Isabelle: I'm sorry. :(

Holy shit... I made him cry!  I feel even worse now. Haley texted me. Shit. 

Haley: There. I said no. Happy now?

Isabelle: No, not really. 

Haley and I start arguing again. She starts blaming me for lying to her about me being okay with Dylan and her dating. Yeah because I WANTED TO SPARE HER FEELINGS!!! Can't she fucking understand that? God damn...

I call Michelle. I start crying to her over the phone on how much I hurt Haley and Dylan. 

"When you think about it, it's not that many people." she says.

"The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt him!" I cry even louder. 

"Oh. My. God. I am so sorry Isabelle. It's going to be okay, I promise you. Stop crying. Please, I don't like seeing you hurt. It's not your fault Isabelle!" Michelle reassures me. 

"YES IT IS!" I sob.

We talk for a bit. My mom came home and I told my Michelle I had to go. I just cry more in my room. A few minutes later my phone buzzed. I look at it and I got a text from Dylan. I look at it.

Dylan: I know why you were crying yesterday. 

Isabelle: Wait what are you talking about? 

Dylan: It all makes sense now!

Isabelle: Wait, Dylan what?

Dylan: I'm sorry I can't talk to you anymore.

Isabelle: What? Dylan wait! 

He didn't text back. What. The. Fuck, just happened here? Does he know I like him? Haley texted me.

Haley: I thought we were fine today, but at lunch I felt like a loser getting dumped by the popular kid. AND I'M THE LOSER!

Sheesh. Dramatic. 

Isabelle: I will never be popular! Okay? Never ever. Got that? 

We start arguing more. Then after a while I get a text back from Dylan. Holy shit. He knows I like him. The fuck? Who told. I read the text more and turns out Preston told him. He is this guy from my social studies and language arts class. That douche bag. He frickin told? God. Fuck him. Now I know never to trust him. The text says he will never forgive me and I was the reason why Haley said no and he's wondering why are there to much secrets and he wants to know the truth. So I decided to do the right thing and tell him the truth. 

Isabelle: You wanna know the truth? Okay here it goes. 

I start  telling how I like him and shit and I sent it, not even thinking twice. Before I could tell him more he texted back.

Dylan: Never mind I don't want to know the truth. It was just a misunderstanding can we just forget this? Not our friendship but this situation. Forget it never happened and go back to be friends? 

Isabelle: Yeah, I think that would be best. Friends?

Dylan: Friends.

*PHEW* Oh, my fucking, god. That was very traumatic. That was a living hell. I'm glad it worked out with him and me. Soon Haley and I got back to arguing. We slowly made up. 

Haley: If I can't date him than you can't

The fuck? Why not? I fucking liked him first. She just can't do that. It ain't right. 

Isabelle: Why not? 

Haley: Well I just don't think it's fair that I can't date him and you can.

The fuck. Did she seriously just fucking say that? Whatever. It's not like he's ever going to ask me out anyways. It might as well she date him. 

Isabelle: Whatever. JUST DATE HIM! 

Haley: Tell me the truth. 

Isabelle: I fucking am.

I start telling her she might as well date him. And finally she agrees. She talks to him and they're together. It's okay I guess. We're all friends. This was a living hell. It was chaotic and disastrous.

The next two days they broke up because they both decided they don't know each other to well to date. I'm just like WHAT THE FUCK! I asked them if they're both okay and they're both perfectly fine. All this fucking drama for nothing. Later that night. I thought everything was okay. We're all fine and everything's good. But for some reason I still have a stinging feeling. A pain in my chest that won't go away. And I still have it as days maybe even weeks go by.