I'm Crossing The Ocean || Mullette

Chapter Eleven: Anxiety Fun Times

Mulligan|First Person

"Laf?" I say softly to the head of messy curls in my lap. "You still awake?" A quiet hum is all I get in return as his face tilts toward me slightly. Lafayette had been silent since I got here, only muttering a barely audible hi when I arrived before setting his head in my lap and turning his attention towards the TV. Up until a second ago I had thought he'd passed out. 

Eliza filled me in a couple hours ago before she left. From what I can tell he had a panic attack, which makes sense to me- especially since this was pretty much his first test without someone there with him right before he took it. I feel like a complete asshole for leaving him like that, even more so because it for such a selfish reason. He could have an anxiety disorder for all I know. I could've triggered it by just up and leaving him like that. 

I chew the inside of my cheek guiltily, eyeing Lafayette's hand sitting on his hip. I want to reach out and hold it, to remind him that I'm still here for him- that I have no plans of leaving him anytime soon.  

My fingers twitch on my leg, itching to do something to comfort the boy in my lap. A sudden vibration in my pocket keeps me from doing anything too rash. I reach for it, keeping one eye on the side of Lafayette's face. He keeps his gaze trained on the screen before us still, so I look away for a moment to read the notification. 

From: John

Hey, I'm with Alex on my way home. Is Laf ok? 

I bite my cheek again. I really have no idea how Lafayette is doing. We've said absolutely nothing to each other for the past couple hours. I feel like a dick. 

To: John

He's a little out of it. I was thinking of trying to take him out for food or something if you guys are up to it?

I set my phone face down on the couch beside me, looking back to Lafayette. He shifts a little in my lap, looking up at me. His eyes are glazed over and his mouth tilts downward. 

"Who was that?" He asks in a croaky voice. I feel my lips twitch a little in a smile at hearing his voice again. I reach towards his head and run my fingers through his hair without thinking. I pause, my hand freezing on top of his head. He leans into my touch a little, so I continue my movement, feeling a little gratitude at being able to offer at least some comfort. 

"John. You up for getting some ice cream when they get home?" I keep my voice soft as I talk, not wanting to make him think I'm pressuring him into anything. I just want him to be happy. 

"I guess," he shrugs a little. My phone goes off again. I keep one of my hands pressed to the back of his head and check the text with the other. 

From: John

We're outside. Can you bring him out?

To: John

Sure.

"You ready to go?" I ask Lafayette. His eyes open wide in a mix of what I think is fear and a sort of begging to let him just stay here. I scoop my hand under his back though, helping him sit up before he can second guess anything too much. I don't want him to get to the point of being afraid to leave the house. 

"Do we have to?" He asks, the discomfort clear in his voice. 

"C'mon, it'll be good for you. I'll be there the whole time too, no need to worry." I flash him a smile and push myself up off the couch. I offer my hand to him, which he takes reluctantly. A little lightning bolt shoots up my arm as his hand grips onto mine and doesn't let go as we make our way out into the driveway. 

At some point my hand leaves his and wraps around the small of his back instead, holding him to my side as we walk out to John's little Toyota Camry. I open up the car door for him, ushering him into the seat before shooting Alex and John a sort of don't make any comments today, you dumb bastards look. They both keep their mouths shut so I figure my intimidating dad looks haven't lost all effect on them. 

I slide into the seat next to Lafayette, letting him lean his head on my shoulder as John starts up the car, looking back at us for a second. 

"Ready to go?" He asks. Lafayette nods weakly, scooting a tiny bit closer to me. 

===

"Here ya go, Laf," Alexander says cheerily as he sets Lafayette's cup of ice cream before him. He smiles unconvincingly at him, glancing around the mostly full ice cream parlor. It's usually not this crowded, but  I guess today was just one of those busier days. I nudge him with my arm, trying to keep his attention on our table rather than the other people around us. 

"So, I heard coach talking about bringing in a group of dudes for the scouts separately next week," John pipes up, obviously trying to make light conversation. 

"Yeah? You think Jefferson's gonna make it?" Alex asks, talking just a little louder than usual. I cringe internally at their not so subtle attempts to keep Lafayette calm. He glances over at me, I just sigh and shake my head in return. He smiles a tiny bit, making my chest clench with excitement. 

"What'd did you guys do today?" John asks, looking over to Lafayette and me. He glances at me, telling me silently to answer for him. 

"Just watched TV, nothing exciting." He nods and Lafayette looks down at his feet, sitting on the bar on the bottom of his chair. I reach for one of his hands sitting his lap. Neither one of us have touched our ice cream. He squeezes my hand lightly, but doesn't look up from the floor. 

"You doin' ok there, Laf?" Alex asks, concern written on his face. Lafayette shrugs a little, still looking down at his feet. I tighten my hold on his hand. 

"Is it time to go home?" I ask him. He nods, standing silently from his chair, head still tilted downward. I thread our fingers properly now, holding him close to me like I did when we left the house. "We'll see you guys later," I say as John hands me the keys to his car. Him and Alex shoot worrisome looks to Lafayette. 

I steer him out the door with our hands linked so tightly that I start to lose feeling in the tips of my fingers. His upper body goes rigid as we walk across the parking lot to the Camry. He stares intently at his feet, so it's not until we're at the passenger door and he looks at me that I see there's tear tracks down his cheeks and fat droplets of water in his eyes. 

"Oh, Laf. It's ok," I assure him. His mouth opens but all that comes out is a sob.

I pull him to my chest and he leans us back against the car as his hands wrap around my back and pull at the fabric of my shirt. He cries hard into my hug, and presses his face into my shirt. I bring one hand up to stroke through his curls and lean my chin onto his shoulder. He whimpers, a sound that makes my heart crack into a million pieces. 

"Shh, deep breaths, Laffy Taffy," I try. That nickname from John never fails to rise a smile out of him. He sniffles and sighs. 

"Sorry," he breathes. 

I shake my head and start to draw wide circles on his back. "Don't apologize. It's not your fault," I whisper back. "C'mon, let's get you home." 

Sorry this isn't very good, but I wanted to get it out for a while.
<3