Anxiety/ My Journal

Suicide

I published this chapter to help (or at least try to help) others who have suicidal thoughts and to encourage them to just live a little longer. I also highly suggest u see the video above, it contributes a lot to this chapter :)

Not gonna lie. I have thought about suicide a few times.

Like the other day I just stared at a pair of scissors and just wondered "if I start cutting myself, will it help?" Or even look at pills and just wanted to stuff them all in my mouth and just overdose or choke on them. My mom bought some new knives the other day and as I was washing them i felt like piercing them into my skin just to feel the pain and see where it takes me.

If someone were to ask me "Would you ever kill your self?" I'd say "no"

I must be confusing a lot of people right now but the truth is I wouldn't.

Do you wanna know why?

Of course you do if you're still reading lol.

And the answer is because I know that if I do, it'll just affect the people around me.

I know if I do, I'll just regret it.

I know if I do, I'll miss out on all the great things life has waiting for me.

Now I have this belief: "When bad things happen good things always come"

I know deep down that if I wait long enough, amazing things will come! It feels like a long wait but I see it like a Disneyland ride. It's always a long wait but when it's your turn to get on, it usually ends up to be a great ride.

Now let me take u back in time. This wasn't too long ago but it was scary. I was in Mexico in a restaurant with my family when my friend started texting me and said "she wanted to kill herself" I have never been so scared in my life, like I was trembling and ready to cry in that restaurant. My family had no idea what was going on. I didn't want to stop texting her because I was afraid that if I did then she'll be gone within the next second. I didn't know what to do I was panicking. I don't know how, but I talked her out of doing it and ever since then I've heard friends tell me about their suicidal thoughts and I simply just say "Don't do it"

Don't do it because even if you think you are taking the pain away you are simply just giving up on life. And when you give up on life and release the pain, where do you think that pain goes? It spreads to the others who love and care about you. You say you want to stop hurting others but then you kill yourself and give them that thought of "Would he/she be here, if I just talked to them?" And trust me, I know this because I've had this thought trapped deep inside me for what seems like forever.

Even if you feel like no one cares about you, there will always be that one person. Maybe you don't know it, but believe me there is at least one person. Talk to that one person about your problems. It took me years to talk to my one person, but I wish I could've done it sooner. If possible, talk to that one person now, before things just get out of hand.

I know everyone always say this and I know it's extremely hard, but just don't do it.