Anxiety/ My Journal

Chapter 3: P.O.V

Me:

   Please not again, please no. Another panic attack. What do I do! What do I do! Deep breathes right?! *takes deep breathes* Ok I feel a little better. Wait I was wrong, it's not over yet and it's getting worse!
     I hate this! I want this to go away! I feel so sick I don't know what to do! I need to go to sleep, I have a test tomorrow! What if I fail the test? No, no, I'm not going to fail. Just go to sleep and you'll be fine. But what if I die?! What if the world ends and I go to hell! No I'm not going to die or go to hell, but what if Isis bombs this area?! No they won't, this town is too small and unknown to be bombed by a big group. But that doesn't mean it isn't impossible!
       Please just go away anxiety! Ugh what if I have a heart attack. *looks up symptoms for heart attack* Ok I must be having a heart attack! Wait no I'm not having a heart attack.
        I can't breathe. I want help but for some reason I just don't want to get out of bed. The air is so thick it feels like I'm having an asthma attack. I hate this. Please God make this go away. I have to start moving my legs and arms a little so I won't get sleep paralyzed. But what if I do anyways. What if there are a bunch of evil spirits surrounding me and waiting for me to fall asleep so they can kill me? No that's crazy. What if I'm going crazy. I must be, I mean I can't control my thoughts. All I'm thinking about right now is death and fear.
        I want to stop but I can't! Why can't I?! *starts to feel bad for all the bad things she's done and starts sobbing* No one understands, but me. I'm not going anywhere in life. My crush will never like someone like me. No one will ever want me to be their wife. No one will forgive me for all the bad things. They'll just continue to scold me without realizing how hard I'm trying to make them feel proud of me. I hate myself. No I love myself. I hate myself. No I love myself!
         About 3 hours pass by and I finally pass out. Now it's time to get through school without falling asleep.

*Well that's all I have today. This chapter is about a panic attack I actually experienced in real life that basically ruined my sleep and attention span the next day at school. Just want to let people with these type of problems know that they r not the only ones and in the end eventually it all goes away. Anyways plz like, follow, vote, comment, or tell me any suggestions I should add to this story.
Love ya!
-Samantha