My Mother's house

7

"The wiring is passable, but I suggest you replace it.  However, you need new breakers.  This one is from the eighties and not up to code."

"How much will that cost?" This guy was older, and sort of portly.  His bald face matching his bald head.

"Depends on the electrician.  Most folks around here do their own work though.  We don't have all that city stuff where folks have to be certified.  The closest certified electrician is over 150 miles away so we bend the rules a little around here."

I nodded to him as my Dad held a stunned face.  The portly guy from the electric company began to walk back to the front of the house, back to his vehicle.  "Just call me when you have it set up, I won't have to come back out here again.  You seem like trust worthy folks."  He turned around to us as we followed him.  "But let me warn you, If you try to get the electric on with that breaker box, you could fry the lines in your house, then have to redo all of the wiring.  All of it."  His chubby cheeks lifted a little as he smiled.  "Have a good day."

Dad and I walked back to the house in silence.  David had been out in the barn, messing with his car with a few of his friends.  It was irritating that I had to make all the decisions and deal with all the bullshit while he got to reap the benefits. 

"I'll call John, tell him not to worry about coming out today, see if he knows anyone that can fix the box around here."

I set out to finish cleaning the other rooms I hadn't got to yesterday.  Being a pro now, it only took me all morning and into the early afternoon.  I had dusted my way right through lunch and no one had bothered me.  I came down stairs and pulled my ear buds out.  Someone had fixed the step I had broke.  They did a really good job too, once it was painted with that clear paint stuff for wood it would blend in a lot better.  I heard my little brother's car roar from the barn.  They did something to make it louder.  That's all David needed was to be louder.  I walked towards the dining room where I heard voices and wasn't surprised to see my Dad, talking to Nath. 

"Oh hey honey, John brought over some sandwiches since we don't have a working fridge and some sodas too.  They're in the cooler if you want some."

I nodded and walked back to the cooler and grabbed a sandwich and a rootbeer and headed back to the dining room to listen to them talk while I ate. 

But that didn't really happen.  As soon as I sat down, they both looked at me, like a bomb was about to drop and they were afraid of the fallout.  I chewed my bite slowly, and waited for the first one to grow courage.

"Honey, this house needs a lot of work wouldn't you agree?"

"Yeah" I said through my mouthful. Dad put his hand on my arm to reassure me that what he was about to say wasn't going to upset me.  It only put me further on edge.

"I know it's your decision, but I think it would be best for me to work at the hotel for a few days, maybe a week until John can get it fixed up for us."

And there it was, the bomb that would blow my world to smithereens.  Dad and I weren't super close, but I had expected him to help me with this project.  It was clear that David would be no help.  He was too busy hanging out with his new friends.  My Dad must have seen my jaw drop, or maybe it was the crumbs that fell from my open mouth.

"It's just that, this house needs work that I have no clue about.  I wish I did, and that we could take this project on together, as a family.  Hiring someone to come in and do it would be too expensive and would drain what money you have left.  I know that is not what you want.  I think this is our best option right now."

"Our best option? Don't you mean yours?  I knew you wouldn't want to help with this,  I knew from the start.  You hated Mom after she left us and now you don't want anything to do with her!"

My Dad's jaw tightened, like he wanted to say something, but I shoved my chair back and stomped away.  I hadn't made it to the second floor by the time the first tear fell.  I threw myself onto my bed, ignoring the folded sheets that were kindly set there.

It isn't my Dad's fault that Mom left.  It isn't anyone's fault and I knew that.  I knew Dad had wanted her to stay, but things didn't go that way and, in the end, it was good that she had left so David and I didn't see her decline.  Dad had kept us from that.  I knew looking at me everyday was a painful memory for him.  I looked just like Mom did when she was my age.  I just didn't understand why he thought he could dump this all on me.  I was an adult, but I still needed him.  I still needed his help.  It wouldn't be right for me to ask David for too much.  I wanted him to have his senior year like I did.

I poured my tears out and hugged the stack of sheets and pillows to my chest.  I missed Mom.  I wanted someone to talk to about everything.  About the house and taking care of David.  It was just too much responsibility.  The only person here willing to help me was Nath, the only person I didn't care to be around.  I wondered what Mom would say if she knew about him now. 

I squeezed the wad of cloth I had made and heard a whine.  I let go and looked down, when damn Chester decided to crawl out.  I shrieked and scooted to the head of the bed.  He crept closer to me, still keeping his distance and stared at me.  I was beyond panicked.  Stupid Chester was about to attack me and eat my face off at any minute.  Heavy foot falls raced up the stairs, scaring Chester away to the closet. 

My Dad and Nath came into view and I held up my hand to silence them.  My Dad slowed to a walk and Nath looked between us and turned around to go back downstairs. 

"You okay honey?"

I wiped my face of any left over tears and sat up straighter as he sat on the side of the bed next to me.  "Yeah.  Just the raccoon again."

My Dad looked at my face while I couldn't meet his eyes.  I looked down, shameful of my previous behavior. 

"I'm trying to do the best I can for you, for both of you.  I know sometimes it doesn't seem like enough, or that I am doing something wrong, but I want you to know I love you.  I loved your mother so much and it still hurts sometimes, but I would never put that pain before either of you kids.  You guys come first.  Always."

I bit into my cheek and traced imaginary shapes on my crossed legs.  "I know."  Dad pulled me into his side, jerking me from my sitting position and kissed my head.  "If you think you need me, just ask and I will do what I can."

I wrapped an arm around his back and gave him a squeeze, like a silent thank you and I love you too.  We sat in a comfortable silent embrace before he untangled himself from me and stood up.  His wavy brown hair was getting too long.  He was starting to look like David.  His eyes shone at me with a sense of worry.  "I'm going to go work at the hotel for a few hours.  John agreed to get a new box and wires and all that stuff and said he could put it in today.  It's only for a few hours, and then we can get the electric on and hopefully stay here tonight."

I knew this had to be done.  His worry was for nothing.  I couldn't fight him on this part.  Staying at that hotel and driving here everyday sucked, not to mention being in a cramped space and those crappy beds.  Even the twenty year old mattress I was sitting on was better than those beds at the hotel. 

I gave him a big bright smile to reassure him.  "Okay Dad.  I'll take care of things here while you're gone."