river - bts

七

"YOU FUCKER!"

Namjoon slammed the door behind us, while everybody else looked at us in confusion. I stared down at the ground, my eyes filled with tears.

"Why- I mean!!!" he threw his arms up in the air, throwing a glass bottle at the wall, the glass shattering all over.

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't even fucking talk-" He hissed, looking at everyone else. They all shifted around in their places awkwardly. It's like those moments when you want to leave, but you can't.

"Namjoon, what is your problem-"

"You should know what the fucking problem is you dumbass people-"

"DO NOT speak to me like that, i'm your older brother. Speak up." Yoongi hissed.

"Jimin tried to save me from drowning, he succeeded. All i wanted to do was die, and he prevented me from that!"

I wanted to yell so many things, but i couldn't even muster a sob. I felt helpless.

"Oh jesus christ Namjoon-"

"What? I'm pretty sure Jin isn't coming back, so what's the point anymore?"

"You have us. Count on every person left. We can help you-"

"Hoseok, he was my boyfriend. How do you expect me to get over that?"

"That's a major death. It will be hard but eventually we accept it-"

"You know what shut up with your bullshit."

Hoseok looked down at the ground, once in his life not the sunshine i knew.

"Do you think you control us?" Yoongi asked.

"Well, I formed the group, so obviously!"

"You're treating us like shit-"

"Jimin was treating me like shit!"

I took a shaky breath.

"He hasn't helped with finding Jin at all, all he's doing is buying food and fucking his boyfriend!"

Taehyung looked at him with serious eyes, but didn't really say anything. I could tell his face was filled with gilt.

"He's fucking useless in everything, I don't even understand why I accepted him. He doesn't care for anyone, how does THAT FEEL-"

I stepped in front of Yoongi and punched him in the face. hard.

"GO FUCK YOURSELF IN A RIVER! Go on, whatever, if you really wanted to die I don't give a shit." I yelled in his face.

Then i saw the reactions of others. They all looked down in shame while Yoongi looked surprised as ever. Why did I help him?

Fuck, I regretted this so much. so much.

I felt all my insides burn up under my fragile skin. I gulped all my remaining words down my throat. I could instantly feel all the water build up in my eyes and finally break out into tears.

This always happens. I try to defend myself, but i end up feeling like shit. I couldn't take all the stares. I couldn't take all the judging minds, looking at me with disgust. It just made me sick.

I clenched onto my heart as I sprinted out of that house before I could see his face. I thought I heard someone call out my name, but I didn't believe it.

I automatically brought myself to the river. My face was already drenched and my legs were sore. I felt like falling down, multiple times but i kept my balance until I got to my destination.

It felt like my life flashed before my eyes when I fell into that river. The cold water surrounded my body and engulfed me in its presence. I breathed the water into my lungs so it could eat me out.

I didn't die.