river - bts

二十二

i felt my heart calm down, knowing that we wouldn't die in a few seconds. i looked at jin, standing there with his red wrists and messy hair, staring back at me.

"jin.. we can go back home now... what's wrong?"

i felt the movement of my hand a bit slower as well, trying to hold out my palm.

"i'm sorry..." i saw his tears.

"what happened..." i walked towards him, slowly but close enough to hold his dry hand.

"i caused you so much pain... fuck this is all my fault, isn't it?"

"don't blame this shit on yourself, jin. i'm serious. it's their fault-"

"no.. i'm the reason namjoon almost died. i'm the reason you hurt namjoon and jumped. i'm the reason you all split apart, isn't it?"

"don't say that jin... this all happened because we missed you. nothing's your fault." i felt tears form in my eyes for the second time today.

"i thought about you guys everyday... i couldn't go a day without you. it was the only thing that kept me sane. i was about to-"

i interrupted him by giving him a big hug. i already cried so much in the past week, but i didn't care anymore. i let the tears flow out and the sobs escape my throat.

he was hesitant, but he hugged me back. his smell of pure smoke, dirt, and alcohol made me cry even more. how could they do this to him?

"i hope you know we missed you so much." i cried.

"i hope you know i thought about you guys every single hellish day in there." he laughed sadly, wiping the tears.

"i don't understand why there was no copy of me though.." jin muttered, letting go.

"i don't understand either... but all that really matters is that you're alive, right?"

"yeah... i'm alive. i'll only cause you more painful memories when i go back."

"i think it's quite the opposite. when you come back, eventually we'll be so happy together again, we'll play games, do stupid pranks, cook food and visit different places. do you want that again?"

"yes.. i want to see you again, i want to live those moments again..."

"come back with us..." i smiled, holding out my hand.

he paused before he spoke, "maybe i'll give you good memories."

"yes you will. come back to our home, big brother."

he held onto my hand. i felt his untouched skin wrap his fingers around mine.

i walked towards the edge, holding his hand, standing there, looking down.

i looked back at jin, and that's when real time started again. the house was about to break any second, and we were standing there.

i saw his smile for the first time in three months. such a happy, pure, smile.

while holding hands, we jumped off the edge right as it fell apart. we saw the house crumble down next to us, falling into the river the same time we were.

we let our hands go when we hit the river. i saw parts of the house fall in the river, praying that we weren't too late. that we could make it out without being trapped here forever.

we made it out.