TRIGGER WARNING
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
I also want to say I was suicidal from the time I was 8-13. I cut, burned, scratched, etc etc. Trust me things get a lot better you just have to say something. I know what it is and I know how I experienced it. In this chapter I am going off of my experiences and experiences of other I know. I do not mean to hurt anyone.
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"We will pay for it together." I say as I rest my head on the window.
"I know I said I would take you to a club but my friend is having this party thing. Do you mind?" Taylor ask putting his hand on my thigh.
"No lets go!" I say excited I have no chance of seeing Matt.
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We pull up to this beautiful beach that has a bon fire and music and a bunch of people, and a bar.
"Take off your shoes and let's go." Taylor laughs as I get out of the car.
I take my shoes off and throw them on his front seat.
"Trust me baby this is living." He says as he puts his arm around my neck pulling me closer.
"I'm a wanderlust I know living." I lie. I know I shouldn't lie but he has money and nice stuff. I can't just let him think I can't afford stuff and haven't seen the world. Like it's not a total lie I traveled around Spain when I was 17. I've seen parts of the world so it's just a white lie. I still feel guilty I actually hate lying.
"Alright wanderlust then lets go explore some day." He laughs before kissing the top of my head.
We walk onto the sand and all of his friends come over to us. Them all looking and dressing like Taylor but with different color hair.
"Yo guys this is my girlfriend Kylie." He introduces me as I just stand there awkwardly waving.
"Kylie so you a good girl?"A guy like 5' 11" with dirty blond hair ask as he lights a cigarette.
"Depends on when and where." I say calmly staring at his cig. I hate cigarettes they just eww. Like coke, Mary Jane, Xanax love it cigarettes make me want to puke.All of his friends just laugh and grin.
"So you're a good girl out here a bad Girl back home." The guy states as he hands a lit cigarette to Taylor. I want to puke like I can't stand them they are gross.
"Something like that." I laugh acting like they all aren't rich white kids. I'm back to my old type. I like bad boys they don't wear the stupid polos and kakis. They don't talk like they're rich.
"You want some?" Taylor ask me as he hands me his cigarette.
"No got any coke or Xans?" I ask as they all look in shock. Their mouths are basically on the ground. Can someone please just answer me.
"So you are a bad girl." The guy from before says in surprise.
"Yeah sure she is." Some blond girl in a bikini top and booty shorts says in an annoying high picked voice says sarcastically. She walk up to Taylor is this bitch kidding me. Takes his cigarette inhales it then exhales it in my face. I cough a little bit and a she laughs.
"See your not a bad girl. Bad girls smoke." She says then kissing Taylor. He kisses her back without even thinking about it. He wraps his arms around her waist after letting go of me. This is why I don't do relationships. This is why I don't trust people. I walk away and go back to his car. I grab my shoes put them on and turn back around to face the water
It sucks anything good in life that happens something bad always follows. I work past anorexia my parents get divorced. I win my first championship my mom takes full custody and we do to court. I make honor roll my brother started doing drugs. I finished middle school my brother cuts himself. My brother and me go back with are dad my brother gets a tattoo and fights with dad. My brother stops doing bad shit he kills him self. That the answer if I'm dead this shit will all stop. My life, my hell will become heaven. I call an uber the entire ride home it seems like nothing is going to happen.
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I couldn't do it I tried I did but I couldn't die. I wanted to I really badly wanted to I couldn't. I saw the blood, I saw the cuts, I saw my brother again. I couldn't do this to my mom, my dad, myself. I still wanted to feel the pain though. I thought I thought about how my brother use to take salt and ice to his room. I didn't understand why I thought he was just doing some face mask. But it makes sense now that he's gone. He burned himself he would put salt on his skin and an ice cube over it. So that's what I'll do just so I can feel the pain. I grab the ice and salt I pour some on my leg. There's a knock on the door who ever it is cant see my wrist. I grab a sweatshirt and pull it over my head. I go to the door I don't want to answer it until I hear the voice on the other side.
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Not that anyone reads this but if you do thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️ I promise from a suicidal, depressed kid I love you❤️❤️❤️
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Tattoos \Blackbear fanfic/
Fanfiction"Matt this is the reason I woln't talk to you for one minute. Cause if you don't get what you want you throw a fit and act like your god. Mabey once you break up with Bella and I can trust you I'll talk to you. But until then leave me alone." I say...
