Youth ➳ Peter Parker

[11] mixed feelings

  It had been hard to tell Rachel how Alex had died without revealing who Peter happened to be in his spare time. Maggie had struggled the night before, trying to come up with a believable and reasonable enough story to tell her friend. Luckily, Rachel seemed to be more caught up in how he died as opposed to why.

  Maggie and Peter sat across from Rachel, side by side, omitting details left and right about that dreadful night. They'd left, all three of them, with heavy hearts, staying silent. All three teenagers were immersed in their own thoughts. Maggie kept trying to cast away her guilt, but it seemed to be there to stay for the time being.

  Your fault your fault your fault. It was all your fault. Rachel should want you to die. Peter should. You should've died in Alex's place. The world doesn't need some quivering coward of a girl in place of your lost friend.

  Maggie halted on the sidewalk, trying to catch her breath. She couldn't stop it. She was having her third panic attack since what had happened, and she couldn't deal with them very easily. They usually happened in inconvenient places, and usually in public. 

  She used to have panic attacks sometimes, but never so frequently like this. 

  Rachel carried on, not noticing Maggie had stopped. But Peter did. He backtracked to fall in line with Maggie, who stood there, hands shaking. It really was all her fault, she thought, and relayed this back to Peter without meaning to. 

  "No." Peter told her, and grabbed her hand, clutching it in his. He did this awkwardly, and a blush spread across his cheeks as he held her hand. 

  "It isn't your fault. If anything, it's mine." Peter said to her. Maggie jolted, looking sideways at the boy. She hadn't realized that maybe Peter considered this his fault, too. After all, that man had been after Spider-Man. Maggie looked at Rachel, who was almost out of sight, walking further and further from the pair. Did Rachel think maybe it was her fault, too? What if Alex had never left Rachel's side at the party? Then he'd be safe at home and none of this would have happened.

  Everyone thought this was their doing, in their own way. And that was comforting to think, in an almost morbid sense. But most of all, it was that man's fault. Whatever his name was. The one who'd actually killed Alex. The one who had been horrible enough to consider killing a teenage boy, one who was harmless and just wanted to see Maggie. 

  This was his fault. Whoever he is. Stop trying to convince me it's my own. Maggie thought angrily, half to the irrational voices and half to simply herself. 

  Maggie and Peter reached the apartment complex they both lived in. Seeing as they lived on the same floor, Peter decided to keep Maggie's hand in his. It felt awkward and a little forced to two teenagers with no experience, but they both knew that they wanted it to happen, too. The elevator ride up was quick, quicker than Maggie remembered. Soon they were in front of their doors, hands let go of and keys turning.

  "Hey- Maggie? Wait." Peter said as Maggie was about to open her door. 

  "Do you want to come over? We can study for that chemistry test. I know you said you were nervous about it but I consider myself pretty good at chemistry, and like, science in general, so I can help you out because it's easy for me and I'm good at- um, at explaining. Things." 

  Maggie hesitated, and it was obvious Peter caught that hesitation. 

  "Tony Stark isn't gonna appear in my living room again. Trust me on this one." He told the girl, and Maggie sensed a hint of remorse in his voice, directed at Iron Man. Maggie turned the key back in the lock, tucking it in her pocket and flashing a smile at Peter.

  "Yeah. Yeah, Peter, I'd love to. Thanks." Her heart was beating a mile a minute and she felt her stomach drop as Peter smiled at her and they went into his apartment together. Her chest felt tight again, but this time it wasn't from a panic attack. She was suddenly feeling nervous about hanging out with Peter. Because she liked him, so much.

  Why was she feeling nervous now? Why hadn't she felt nervous earlier, a few days ago, when she'd kissed the boy? 

  God, feelings are freaking weird. 

  Maggie said hello to Aunt May. Peter's aunt smiled widely at her, and then flashed a look to Peter. The woman's eyes were wide open as she watched her nephew grab his chemistry work from his bedroom and then sit at the small kitchen table, inviting Maggie to sit next to him while they could study. 

  Peter looked around for a certain page in his notebook, found it, and then turned to Maggie with a big smile on his face.

  "What?" She asked, smiling back. His smile was contagious. 

  "Are you a carbon sample? Because I want to date you." 

  "Peter!" Maggie exclaimed, laughing. She picked up the notebook and playfully smacked him on the shoulder with it, but Peter just kept laughing. Her nervousness diminished significantly as Peter grabbed his notebook back from Maggie and flipped to an actual page, beginning to explain something to her in a way that only Peter Parker could. 

a/n: i think... i think i might end it here. or have one more chapter to tie up any loose ends. does anyone have any ideas for what they want to see in the last chapter, if this isn't it? i'm open to any and all suggestions!!