No Promises

Why?

Barry's pov

It's been 4 days since we got back from Starling City. I've managed to capture a meta and he's now in the pipeline. Oh and Snart made another appearance and I'm 100% sure Shadow helped him along with his new partner Mick Rory. 

After over hearing Malaya say that she was the one who deserved to be dead and not her friend Crystal, I can't help but think that she is Shadow. All the way back on the train, she didn't say a word, and we haven't seen her since she left the station. We haven't even heard from her. I'm kinda worried about her, even though I think she might be a master criminal who wants to destroy all of our lives. I haven't told anyone else about it but I think I need to, especially Cisco, but I know it's going to really hurt him if it is true.

I had just arrived at CCPD and saw Joe. "Hey, Joe are you busy?" I asked as he just walked out of the captains office. "Err... Give me a minute and you'll have my full attention." He replied whilst reading a piece of paper and walking to his desk. After a couple of minutes he put the paper down and turned to me. By the look on my face he knew it was serious. "Lab?" I simply nodded my head and we started making our way to my lab. "What's wrong Barry?" Joe questioned concerned. I took a deep breath and started to explain. "Ok, so, you know we went to Staling to see Oliver and Malaya could see one of her friends. Well Oliver told me to not trust Malaya cause he has a bad feeling about her, he had it when she dated Sara and he had it again when we were there." Joe sat down whilst I leant on my desk. "Ok, but Barry, just because Oliver said he's got a bad feeling about her doesn't really mean anything." He said looking at me confused. "I know but he's never been wrong about these things. So, when she went to meet her friend it turned out that she went to her best friends grave and she sat there for hours talking to this gravestone. Then she must've heard me and stood up and looked in my direction. I ran to a different part of the cemetery but not too far cause I still wanted to hear if she was gonna say anything else and she did. I got it on record on my phone. Here listen" I placed my phone on the desk and Joe moved his chair closer so that he could hear it better.

I wish I was never born. I would never of had to loose my family, I would never of had to loose my best friend, I would never of became a criminal which means I would never of met Iris, then Barry and Cisco and Caitlin, I would never of felt guilty for betraying them, never would of grown close with them to then destroy their lives. Everything would be better if I didn't exist at all, which I technically don't but you know what I mean. I wish it was me in that coffin. I'm the one who deserves to be dead, not you. I should've never planned to befriend them all to learn all of their secrets cause now I've grown attached and I can't afford that and knowing that they would all risk their lives for me when all I've done is lie to them kills me. They don't deserve to have me in their lives Crystal. I don't deserve them, they are these amazing people that have made me realise I still have a heart and emotions and for the first time since you died I feel like crying cause I know I'm gonna have to leave them so that I don't hurt them.

After the recording had finished Joe looked at me and I could see the anger and sadness in his eyes. Then he saw the look on my face and saw that I was hurt. A single tear drop ran down my cheek. "Oh Bar." He got up and hugged me. I knew now that Malaya is a bad person but hearing her say that she's gonna leave breaks my heart. She's like a sister to me. "It... It's just I know that she's a bad person but it feels like a huge hole has been blown in my heart. Joe, she's like a sister to me." I said as I pulled out of the hug, my voice breaking a couple of times. "I know son, I know. Have you told Cisco, Caitlin and Dr Wells?" He questioned. "No, it's gonna destroy them, especially Cisco." I walked over to the window and sighed, I knew I had to tell them, but I didn't know how. "Barry, can I ask you something about this?" Joe asked pulling me from my thoughts. "Yeah." I simply replied and walked back over to the desk. "What did she mean by she doesn't technically exist?" I had a feeling he was gonna ask that. "Well, I ran her name through the database and nothing came up, I checked hospital records in every city I could think of and nothing came up, it's like she literally doesn't exist." He frowned and then looked at me knowing what I was thinking. "She's Shadow." I nodded and turned away. "Oh my god Bar..." He was cut off by Eddie walking in. "Joe we've got a robbery on 46th street." He said and then walked out in a rush. "Go, I'll be fine." I said and he walked out. Even though I'm in a really bad mood I'm still a super hero so I got my suit and went to 46th street.