Califuckinfornia

V.

Califuckinfornia

Vanity

Waking up the next morning, it was nice talking to Trellis as he was getting ready for work. I just laid there on the couch with the phone propped up against a pillow as I watched and talked to him. Right now he had left me on the counter so he could go to the bathroom real quick and I was thinking a lot about just telling Trellis about CJ. I remember him telling me about his past girlfriends who had the secrets and lies and I didn't want to be another girl to that category so I might as well tell him. I mean its not like I was doing anything bad with CJ so this is honestly no big deal but might as well just keep everything on the table... I'd want him to do that with me if he reconnected with an ex as well so I was feeling confident about telling him. 

Looking around the room, it was weird but nice waking up in this house again. I only liked being here where Dad wasn't wasn't for the obvious reasons but this house brought me a sense of comfort. Like this was my safe house out here in California if I ever felt like I had no where else to go. I know Dad and I still have a strained relationship but him welcoming me back when I left the apartment shred light that he still had some kind of fatherly quality- although not nearly enough as I wish he had. Snapping out of my little thoughts, Trellis returned not long after and picked up the phone, setting it up higher so I was at more of an eye level with him. 

"So I have something to share with you." I began in a casual voice and his attention was fully on me, a look indicating for me to go on. "CJ came into the shop the other day and we caught up a bit. Patched some things, went over our closure of Chaniyah and any other things we left unsaid before we parted." I said and at first he said nothing but after a moment he gave a slow nod of his head, not particularly happy about my news but also not upset, a face that remained neutral. 

"And how do you feel about havin' him back in your life?" 

"I feel fine about it, I'm just happy that we're both at a point where we're better off than where we left each other and that we're civil. I just figured I should tell you so you don't feel like I was keeping anything from you." 

"Why didn't you tell me the day you first saw him? Like why'd you wait a few days?" Still not mad or upset but just curious and that took me a little by surprise. I wasn't expecting him to fly off the handle rather more speculation or uncertainty in his voice. 

"I didn't think we were going to continue talking after that run in but we have been. Completely innocent texts if you want to see?" I offered but he laughed and shook his head declining my offer. "The night he came up, I arrived home when you were already asleep so I didn't want to wake you."

"Oh I see.  He shrugged. "Be honest with me though and I won't jump at your throat or anything." He assured. "Do you feel like you still have feelings for him in any way?" 

"No. No feelings whatsoever." I said instantly. "I'm with you so why would there be any feelings for him?" 

"Because whether you wanna believe it or not, y'all two gonna always be linked since y'all have a child together. Despite she's no longer with y'all physically, that'll never erase the fact that you both share her so I would except some kind of feelings still with him." I didn't think of it that way and I dropped my gaze as I fiddled with my thumbs in my lap. I can sit here and honestly say that I don't have those feelings anymore, those are long gone and I don't question myself about that but the whole 'always be linked' is true to an extent but if we decided to completely cut each other off, we could easily go about our lives never talking again or anything.

"I can assure you that yes he and I may always have that connection with each other but if I still had feelings or wanted him, I would have already left you. That isn't the case because I'm happy with you and have no reason to tamper with that." I said and that seemed to bring a smile back to his face but he wasn't entirely convinced of my words. He's like me, show me to prove it, as words can be flat and meaningless without the action to follow. "Please don't feel like you have to worry or stalk me to make sure I'm not cheating or anything, I promise you its nothing near that."