WILD // Johnnyboy

°Ponyboy°

This chapter, and the next one are going to stay in Ponyboy's perspective. Also, if you can't handle the cutting and stuff just skip this chapter completely. You might as well not even bother.

"Are you excited?" I ask.

"About what?" Soda asks flatly.

"Well tomorrow you're going to be 18," I answer smiling, but Soda doesn't seem too happy.

"Just gives Darry more of a reason to kick me out," He says getting up.

"He wouldn't do that," 

"You don't know that side of him Ponyboy, which is a good thing,"

"But what about Steve?"

"Hell Steve probably moved on, why would he even care anymore?" Soda walks away and closes the bedroom door and my eyes fill up. What about Johnny? Did Johnny move on? Is that why he hasn't been sending letters?

I bet he's in California with a new boyfriend, someone who doesn't cry all the time, someone smarter, someone who's more handsome, Johnny doesn't love me anymore. Why would he? He could do so much better, no, he DID so much better. But there's one thing that new guy can never take away from me, I know I love Johnny more than anyone else ever could. Even if he did move on.

My arm and hand starts lightly shaking, I pull down my sleeve and check, healed enough to me. I take a knife and lock myself in the bathroom, I take deep breathes and slowly cut the three lines. 

"1....he moved on! 2....he doesn't love you! 3....he's not here." Normally I don't cry when I cut but mental came over physical and I burst out crying. It's not working, another three won't hurt. Right? 

I take a deep breathe and cut another three, deep breathes. "4....why even try? 5....he's better off. 6...you're broken." I slowly exhale and fall to the floor sitting up against the wall. I look at my wrist, and my eyes widen. All the cuts are a lot longer and deeper than usual, that sure is a lot of blood, but it doesn't hurt, on the inside or the outside. I'm fine, I grab a towel and clean up my wrist pulling back down my sleeve. 

I hide the towel and knife and walk back out, nothing happened. I'm fine. 

Since Soda is in the our room and upset, I just take a nearby sweatshirt, put it on and go to the couch, somewhat warmth. It's not until I lay down and am about to close my eyes when the scent hits me, it's Johnny's.

.....

"Not hungry again?" Darry asks annoyed looking at me. I shake my head and he sighs, "Take a bite of everything and you can leave." I look at the food and pick up my fork and my arm starts shaking.

"Ponyboy?" Soda asks.

"I'm really not hungry," I answer.

"Darry just let him go to bed," Soda says, Darry sighs and nods. I get up but go to the bathroom first. I pull down my sleeve and nearly scream, the blood never stopped it's all over my arm, my sleeve, and unfortunately the sweatshirt. It was a dark sweatshirt so Darry and Soda couldn't notice, but had I bled any more, Darry would've taken me to a hospital. 

I try to clean up the blood but it keeps going and I don't know what to do, it should stop eventually, shouldn't it? I take a towel and wrap it around my arm, if I make a run for it they'll notice me and question it. If I stay in here any longer they'll get worried, but if I just quickly walk to the room with nothing to say, I'll be fine.

I take a deep breathe and leave and within a few seconds I'm in our room and I go under the covers. I'll fall asleep and when I wake up and I'll take off the towel and get cleaned up, this bad day will all be over.