The Tattoo Guy (MCR FIC)

Chapter 11- Age 18

Chapter 11

Age 18 (Continue from chap 10)

A week later I sat in the clinic with Lyn-z clutching my hand tightly, we hadn’t had a full day apart since the day she came to my basement- after our nap we had awoken to my mother and Mikey arguing on Mikey wearing his glasses which soon escalated to an argument about or ‘situation’ and my mother giving me two weeks to move out. Luckily I knew a guy who had a cheap room to rent out and by the end of the week we had moved into the small apartment on the other side of town closest to the big city yet seemingly not far enough. Lyn-z and I agreed we wouldn’t mention the baby around anyone else, we weren’t ready for pointed fingers and I didn’t want my child entering a world of prejudice against the way they were brought into it. Or more like who.

“I’m scared.” Lyn-z says almost to herself, sat in a room full of women with rounding bellies, some with their babies in arms or suckling contently. Other couples were excited here for a treatment or adoption process- everyone seemed to fit in here apart from the two 18 year old misfits clutching onto each other for dear life biting nervously on their nails.

“No shit, grab my hand any tighter and it’ll fall off from blood loss.” I remark trying to wiggle my fingers to stimulate blood flow.  

“I’m sorry. I just don’t know if I can do this.” She says taking deep panting breaths, for a moment I stumble on how to reassure her, this is the girl I’d always known but I’d never seen her this way. I wasn’t sure if it was the pregnancy but lately I noticed her constant anxiety.

“Miss Lyndsey Way.” The nurse announces as she steps into the waiting room that began to smell less clinical every second we spent in there- she looked at us kindly making me believe that everything was going to be okay and she would treat us with respect. We followed the nurse decked out in pink and a baby themed uniform, her hair styled into a neat bun and a bounce in her step.

“It’s Ballato.” Lyn-z quickly corrects the nurse and I see the woman react by a glimpse of a sunken smile before chirping back again.

“Oh I’m sorry miss, it stated Way therefore I presumed- anyway I’m Nurse Lola and I’ll be your paediatric nurse aside from your doctor which you will meet with when you consider birthing options, but for now let’s see how baby is doing- how it mummy feeling today?” the nurse, Lola, meets Lyn-z’s gaze as she leads us into a bright clinical room where there is a small bed and small chair bed thing with the stirrups on. I see Lyn-z gulp and take a big breath suddenly realising how surreal this all is.

“A little nervous.” She manages to get out and grabs my hand again after letting it slip when we got up, my finger runs up and down her left ring finger to calm her like it always has I can feel her rocketing pulse and the little raised bump at the base of her finger.

“Oh honey no need to be nervous, weren’t you informed about today at all?” the nurse indicates to sit down on a comfy looking 2 seating chair although when we both sat on it the fabric slumped to make us fall into each other. We shake our heads. “Well first we are going to do a little abdominal scan which means you don’t need to go anywhere near the scary thing in the corner so don’t worry, as you are first time parents I’ll also explain about baby’s general development- is that okay?” she asks and I smile, she’s nice and polite, she knows we are scared and she’s trying to help. Lyn-z however saw her as intimidating I could tell by the small sheen of sweat on her hairline and a slight tremble of her lip.

“Okay.” She says with a big release and the nurse takes Lyn-z to the bed next to the machine; I pull up a chair and sit next to where she’s lay on the bed. “Could you lift up your shirt a little? I’m going to put this paper here to catch any gel. The gel won’t be cold like they always say it’ll be room temp although the texture may be a bit uncomfortable.” I watch as the nurse squirts the purple gel on the side of Lyn-z’s slightly rounding belly and with the wand like tool presses into the bump showing a wave of grey on the screen. Then as she moves it across I see a little blip of an outline, it’s small but you can see the baby. The small little thing we created. It doesn’t seem real to me, like it’s just an image, but I know that it’s inside the girl I’ve loved since I barely knew how to walk and that little baby is a part of both of us that we made together. The little fingers showing and the little feet up in the air as if it were curling in on itself; “Wow.” I say astonished at the little baby. That’s my baby.

“Let’s plug you in shall we?” the nurse says as she brings over a few tabs with wires attached that she places on Lyn-z’s stomach which introduces the best sound I ever heard. The flutter of a heartbeat, strong and in a rhythm that matches mine as I breathe which makes me feel connected- like that little flutter of heartbeat makes it all real- this baby is alive. This little life is so weak and vulnerable and every aspect of my being wants to protect it, to cherish it and be with it. I want to be a father. I want to hold my child in my arms and sing them to sleep. I have an overwhelming urge to cry and I hear Lyn-z sniffle from the bed, with my eyes still on the screen I move to kiss her forehead. We don’t speak. We just watch and listen.

“So at twelve weeks baby is about 6 cm long and weighs less than a pound, baby is getting stronger and is moving but you won’t feel the movement until they are a lot stronger or bigger; as you can see baby can close their fingers and curl their toes, and see this flicker- baby just squinted or clenched their eyes.” The nurse points to the screen in the moment where the baby moves as if they turn to look at us with a less broad outline but we see a flutter as if their eyes are moving or like they have blinked at us. “Baby’s liver is working and the kidneys; soon baby will be taking up more room and if I were you I’d expect within the next scan you’d know the sex- baby is in the wrong position at the moment and if I go searching they might not have anything anyway.” The nurse explains and on autopilot we nod in reply. “I’ll print these off and whilst they print I’m going to need some blood- just for a few tests which should come back normal, we’ll get the results in a couple of days but if you don’t hear anything from us before your next appointment don’t be afraid to call although it’s a good sign.” She says as I excuse myself because of my fear of needles, the idea of them being stabbed into my baby’s mother made my stomach flip. As I get into the hall a receptionist walks over with the sonogram photos, I exhale as I stand outside running my slightly callused finger over the image like I could touch the miniature being. I can’t wait to hold you little star, the world may not be great but for you I will make it perfect, I promise.