The Tattoo Guy (MCR FIC)

Chapter 31: Age 28

Chapter 31

Age 28

The doctors finally allow my baby girl to be independent, they try to bring her out of the coma now that she is healing but it is up to her to wake by herself. She looks so tiny, her bed envelops her and the light blue sheet is topped with her black blankie- the one with white glow in the dark stars on from her bedroom to make her feel at home. My baby girl has grown up since she left me, her face looks slimmer and her cheekbones are almost sticking through the skin; her once dark hair now has a sun-kissed glow to make it lighter like her eyes that are hidden under her pale lids and thick eyelashes.

“It is unlikely it will be effective immediately but give her time and she will start to wake meaning she might respond with touch or her eyes may move under the lids. I know you’ve been waiting far too long Gerard but she’s coming back to you any day now.” one of the doctor says writing something on her chart, she pats me on the shoulder with an encouraging look then leaves the room that’s filled with a variety of gifts and flowers as well as her belongings.

“So Princess, it’s just you and me now, I know it’s gonna be hard not seeing your mom anymore and you might not understand why she’s not here but she’s gone to be away from all her pain.” I just look at her, I take her in. “You’ll always have her in you Ivy, she’s your DNA and she’s in your heart.” I hold her hand under the blankets feeling how warm she is to touch and how the heat allows her pulse to thump into my palm so I turn down a layer and show her cute little pajamas that Frank had found to match her blankie.

“When I found out I was going to be your dad I imagined every scenario of what you could be like, I didn’t know if you were a boy or a girl, an innie or an outie, left handed or right, tall or small… I used to picture everything possible; if you were a boy I thought of sports and comic books and seeing him grow up to be taller than me and to be popular and become some successful business man. Then I thought of a girl so beautiful and how I would spoil her, I thought of prom dresses and walking down the aisle. But when you came into my life none of that mattered- I’d let you do who you wanted do what you wanted; I vowed I’d love you for who you are. And you’ve lived up and beyond all my expectations.” I sigh sweeping her hair back off her face, I had to thank the nurses who had bathed her and kept her looking perfect, they made sure she had daily exercises to her arms and legs so the muscles didn’t die and they made me all sorts of meals even if I didn’t eat them.

“So I don’t know if you can hear me, but I’m here, I’m here and everything is going to be okay. I love you so much.” Tears leave my eyes, the salt hits my lips whilst another drips onto my jeans, with each tear it feels as if it has burnt a path down my cheek and I’m left with their thick trails as a trace of everything painful or hurtful that has happened in the past few months.

“Gee.” Frank’s voice causes me to sob like all I can do is break down as my barrier is gone and I have to let it all out. He comes over and wraps his arms around my shoulders as I clutch onto Ivy, “It’s okay, she’s coming home soon, when she wakes up she’ll want to see this beautiful face being strong for her.” He strokes at my hair now long and stringy with the dye growing out along side the building grease- I cringe to think of when I last had a shower- a week or so maybe?

“She’s my baby girl. You don’t understand- it’s her over everything.” I sob and sniffle a little more before I realize what I’ve said that makes Frank go stiff and I turn to see his still youthful looking face contorted in pain in the image of my callousness of my words. “Frank I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean-“

“No you’re right. I’m not a dad.” He says as his shoulders just deflate, he suddenly looks so defeated and I see the toll that death has caused for him as well as having to look after me.

“You are a dad and you do understand, it’s not what I meant, I’m sorry Frankie.” I plead with him overwhelmed with guilt; all he’d done is look after me keeping me afloat when he should have been grieving himself.

“I know, I forgive you; I just came to check on you as I heard about today… I didn’t know if you wanted me here when she woke up.” the last time Ivy had seen Frank she didn’t know exactly why we weren’t together anymore and he had turned into just her teacher. Right now I was a little confused too, I had always thought of myself finding someone and being with them, with Frank it was like that and then it stopped. But now he’s back and we didn’t go into a relationship, I’m not really sure if we wanted one, life just never had time for anything like that.

“Of course, she may not know all you’ve done for her and for me but she will love to see you. I really do appreciate all you’ve done.” I say placing my hand on his wanting to express the meaning behind my words, he’s done so much for me in support and having to actually tell me to look after myself before and during Ivy being in the hospital.

“And I will always be here I’m just not sure I can be around you anymore. I need to move on. I love- loved- my wife and I love you but I think it’s time I look after myself too.” He says reaching his other hand out to smooth over my hair and cheek.

“It sounds like you are saying goodbye.” My lips trembles, I don’t want him to go- what if I lost him completely too?

“For a while I might be but I’ll always think about you. I’m gonna go travelling with my old band from high school.” He says gesturing to his guitar in the corner, I hadn’t even noticed it, he had no intention to stay in the first place.

“For how long?” I ask searching for some meaning, for anything in his face that says he might stay.

“I’m not sure but when I come back I know I can come to the best tattoo guy I know.” At that point he lets go of me, leans forward and places a chapped lipped kiss to my slightly stubbly cheek. I just watch him as he picks up his guitar case and a small backpack walking to the door and giving us concerned small smiles then a little wave. Then he’s gone.

“Looks like it’s just us now baby.” I sigh and kiss her forehead watching her eyes start to move under her thin lids then her hands move under my own like they are constantly twitching.

I look up from her clenched hands to see wide brown eyes staring up to the ceiling. In a panic I press the buzzer for the nurse as her heart monitor starts to flutter out of control.

“Ivy, honey, it’s okay it’s daddy. I’m here baby I’m waiting for you. I love you baby.” I coo as I move my face up to her clutching her hand as a couple of nurses come in starting to speak to her too making her still.

Her breathe comes out with a rattle and the bed is put for her to sit up so she can drink some water; she sips at it at the nurse holds it, her eyes don’t stop moving like she’s lost as she gulps the glass down until it is empty.

“Baby girl.” I choke out over a sob at seeing her finally awake it’s like she’s back for the first time, I see her and she sees me. It’s like our time apart was so long that it’s too unbelievable to be real.

“Daddy.” She rasps out which brings me to tears and I stumble forward with my body enveloping the bed like a broken man finally home.

The doctors check her vitals as I kiss her hand, hold her arm to me until I can touch her properly where I climb into bed beside her pulling her to my chest. We are both crying, she clutches me and I hold her as if my life depended on it; she’s back into my arms.

“I love you so much. So, so much.” I cry.

“My daddy. Daddy.” She says mumbling into my chest and my heart swells like it’s about to burst from so much fear, pain, relief and love.