Temporary

Chapter 18

   I kind of knew something was coming. The feeling was inevitable. I just didn't feel right when I woke up. I felt this sense of moving forward and starting over coming into play. Strong change. Deep breaths. Stay strong and don't give up. I have to remind myself that what I did to my father was the only option. I couldn't have let Jimmy die. I wouldn't have let Jimmy die. How could I do that and live with it? Continue to be miserable with my father and let the one I love die? I couldn't stand the thought. I keep imagining my father carelessly spending all of our income on his habits and feel sick. I vigorously bite at my fingers. Hah. I'm in a police car and I have no idea where this is heading. I nervously laugh. Sometimes I wonder why other people have it better than me. Sometimes I wonder why other people have it worse than me. I feel lucky. I feel lucky because I could be one of them. It could be worse. But pain makes you strong. I have learned a lot from my painful times.

   As Westbrooks starts the car, he turns his body and head to look at me. I notice this by the view from the corner of my eye, so I look up. Before anyone speaks, there's a silence and slight eye contact. ''Officer Westbrooks, as you and your team raided the home, I just sat here and thought, in peace. I didn't even look. I didn't even look back at Jimmy. It's hard. I was too overwhelmed to explain earlier, I apologize. I'm in such denial right now. I care about nothing because my mind can only contain so much negativity.'' I deliver this message so articulately and maturely, so effortlessly, showing no emotion. My emotions are all over the place. The officer looks at me, then looks down to his left, and scratches his head. He sighs, ''Rose, I don't know if this is the right time to tell you...'' I begin to feel very warm. I clear my throat. ''I don't know what to say like I-I don't believe it...'' My hands intertwined with each other in my lap as I repeatedly fidgeted with them. He rubs the back of his neck, ''We, we uh, found your mother lying on her bed with a pillow over her head. She had several marks on her neck, indicating...a strangulation.'' My eyes slowly begin to water and I try not to cry because I want to be strong. It's okay to cry. ''My father...my father...'' I can't talk. I wipe my tears away and take a deep breath.

   I feel separated from Jimmy. From everything. This is an open investigation, and the houses are being raided to collect evidence still.  I guess when I fainted, Jimmy had been questioned briefly right at the crime scene, the kitchen. I'm still in denial obviously, so it doesn't feel like my mother actually died. It feels as if she is just working extra late tonight. Me and Officer Westbrooks talk the entire car ride about alcohol and my father. I tell him about my relationship with Jimmy and how supportive he is of me. I am being taken downtown to be questioned by officials I guess. What I did wasn't wrong, and I won't be punished for it. I'm still nervous for questioning. They are very serious when dealing with crime, naturally. ''Almost there kiddo,'' Westbrooks tells me. I smile and look out the car window at the moon. Doesn't look like I will be going to school tomorrow. I will miss J-...Jimmy isn't going either.

   We're at a red light, and Westbrooks has his left blinker on. I look to my left and I see a tall washed out building with steep steps and old wooden doors. The light turns green and we turn. There isn't a parking lot so we park outside the building, alongside the street. ''Alright, get out,'' Westbrooks says in a more serious tone. I swallow, unbuckle myself and open the car door. I get out and look all around at my surroundings. I study the building and imagine what it will be like inside, as I will be getting interrogated. I notice another police vehicle turn and park about ten feet behind me. I stare at the car and the driver. The cop looks familiar. He gets out and instructs someone to get out, using hand motions. I can sort of tell by reading his lips. It's so noisy here so I can't hear that well. The officer opens the door and out comes Jimmy. He gets out of the vehicle, looking super depressed. There are two cops standing by me, on either side as I stand on the sidewalk, staring at Jimmy. I step a few feet forward. ''Jimmy! Jimmy!'' He looks up and smiles so I run over to him as tears fill my eyes, to give him a hug but I am quickly pulled back and then dragged into the building.

   I was cross-examined for an hour that seemed like ten. It wasn't all that bad because it was general questions and I explained everything. How I saved Jimmy. How my father is crazy and an alcoholic. One man leads me out to the door and points over to a white car. I shiver as the brisk wind blows my hair around. ''Go with them in the white car.'' I look at the white car from the doorway of the building. There appears to be a woman in the passenger but I can't see the driver. Who is she? Who are they even? I see another car behind the white one, running. I see a man: Jimmy. He is on the passenger side. My first instinct is to go to him, so I proceed. Without thinking, I begin to run over to the car that Jimmy is in but then I find myself being chased by the man who told me to go to the white car. ''Hey! Hey! Stop!'' I turn around. I stop in my tracks and yell, ''Leave me alone! I'm not going into a car with a bunch of strangers! I want to be with Jimmy!'' The man grabs my arm and yanks it. I shove him away and cry out. Jimmy hears the commotion and gets out of the car. ''Hey! Rose! It's okay! I will see you soon, I-I'll be with my sister Gloria tonight...'' The man and I are about ten feet away from Jimmy and the car. ''You have to go, Rose...I will miss you but you have to go...'' I wipe away my tears and calm down. I just stand there as other people come in and out of the building. People are staring at me but I don't care. ''Okay...Bye Jimmy...'' The man points to the white car and I walk over to it, open the backseat door and slowly get in. I am totally not in the right mindset right now. ''Hello,'' says an unfamiliar voice. She turns around and smiles at me. ''It'll be a long drive, let's go get some food.'' I look at both women and I nod, nervously. ''Don't worry, this will only be temporary sweetie.'' I nod again. Temporary...