Temporary

Chapter 20

        I've gotten used to this new routine for the past eight days I've been here. I guess I have to start school back again tomorrow, on a ninth day in this house with Shelby. In a way, I kind of like her now. I've gotten used to her personality somewhat and learned not to take her jokes so personally, in contrast to how I take pretty much everything personally. She just has one of those personalities where you can't tell if they are serious or just trying to push your buttons. I learned that when she invited a few of her girlfriends over to have dinner and watch a movie while they drank wine. I realized that even before the wine she would tease them and say things opposite of what most people would say. I just knew right then and there that it was just how she was, and I'd have to adjust to that to get along with her. I also think this is her way to cope with things she can't really understand or relate to - kind of like when someone laughs at an inappropriate time, which I can admit I do all of the time.

        My dinner from two hours ago still hasn't settled in. I'm sitting in bed staring at the ceiling. It's only seven, but I'll never get to bed. I have to be driven to school and arrive an hour earlier than the kids start arriving tomorrow, so I can get my make-up work from all my teachers. I feel sick now, just thinking of tomorrow. My life is back inside boxes. My life. But I should be thankful for who I'm with. I know I'm safe with Shelby. You know you can't really choose who you're going to wind up with in a foster home. It's just kind of a scary thought. No control over anything and you feel like screaming although the only thing that would come out of that is a sore throat. You can just hope and hope.

        I open my eyes early. 5 o'clock. Funny. It feels just like the first day of school when I woke up earlier than I should have but yet this time I need to have the extra time. I guess you need extra time on the first day too. I get up out of bed and stretch big, feeling this bolt of anxiety run through my body as I think about being the center of attention today at school. No one has had contact with me. They must wonder in concern or just are plain nosy. Probably both. I take a deep breath and go straight to the bathroom to do my business and wash up. I walk into the bathroom to a nice morning breeze coming from the bathroom window. As I slip off my clothes and step into the steaming hot shower and allow the water to run down my body, it feels as if my problems and worries are going down the drain with the water.

        I'm not really in the mood for much to eat. I just grab a breakfast bar and pour me a cup of coffee. I sit down at the kitchen table and stare into nothing. My outfit today is plain and simple - just leggings and a sweater with a scarf and my Toms. I kind of like the peace and quiet I can take advantage of at this place. I look down at my phone. 5:45. I wipe my face with a napkin and my thought process is interrupted by a loud and alarming ring to the ear from the house phone. I get up from my chair but Shelby pops out of nowhere to answer it. I lied. She was in the bathroom straightening her hair, yet I didn't hear anything. I mean there is two bathrooms but still. I guess I have to much to think about to notice other people's actions at the moment. I bite my fingers as I hear a muffled conversation through the door.

        ''A woman from the Department is coming to take you to school. She should be here at six. I assume you'll arrive there around six-thirty,'' she informs me. ''Sounds good. Kinda nervous, you know? I-,'' I say as I get cut off. ''Sorry, by the way, for not talking to you all morning. I just feel kinda lousy today.'' I shake my head. ''No no it's fine. It's okay.'' She places the phone down and changes the subject. ''So how do you feel about resuming school again?'' I look down at my nails. ''Eh, what's the worst that can happen? I've had all the worst.'' She sneaks in a small laugh.

        I sit here and twiddle my thumbs for ten hours. My heart stops briefly when I hear a loud bang to the door and Shelby runs to get it. I roll my eyes, grab my bag and stand by the door all while faking a smile at the lady. ''Hello, hi! My name is Lauren. Come on, come to my car!'' Shelby pats me on the back. ''See ya later Rose, and I will speak with you later Lauren.'' A step out of the house means a step out of my hiding place. A step out of my hiding place means a step into reality. A step into reality means...I guess we can just end it here since I'll be here all day. I am led to her white car in the driveway, the only white car in the driveway. ''Just throw your stuff in the back.'' This time I strike her a genuine smile. She seems to be easing my anxiety but as soon as I step into that school, the ease will vanish. I shut my car door and she rolls down the windows. She turns on the radio. It just takes some time, Little girl you're in the middle of the ride, Everything, everything will be just fine, Everything, everything will be alright, alright. Jimmy Eat World. I smile. I take in the breeze from the window. I gaze off. Hey, don't write yourself off yet. It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on. I notice small raindrops accumulating as my emotions get more powerful and I enjoy the song. ''So. How do you like your foster parent?'' My being zoned out suddenly ends. ''I like her.'' I go back to watching the raindrops. A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio. I sway my head softly back and forth in rhythm to the tune. Goo Goo Dolls. As I attempt to take a quick glance at the time, she shuts off the radio. ''Well. We've reached our final destination.'' I rub my eyes, but I wasn't waking from a sleep. ''What? I guess I've been totally out of it the whole car ride.'' She puts her hand on my shoulder. ''You've gone through a lot kid. You deserve to be out of it at times.''