I wonder to myself , everyday , why I am still here?. Everyone says you are here for a reason , but I still haven't found that reason. I am always the one to heal people , I have nobody to heal me. It hurts , sometimes I wish I was in the accident , instead of the
three most important people in my life , I can't help but think why them? Why.
I slowly pulled myself out of bed as I do every morning , making the bed to the pitter patter of the rain on my window , the silence is so loud as the rain stops,you could hear a pin drop in the one bedroom apartment that I call "home".
The time , the time was 7:34am I was in ok time for school ,I hate school , it's just another place where people constantly give me the sympathy vote , I can't get through a day without someone asking "are you feeling better" or "how are you coping" , I
understand people are just trying to help but if anything it makes me feel worse , I have this constant guilt pit at the bottom of my stomach.
The time was now 8:23am , I rushed out the apartment into my car , I don't like cars after the accident but it gets me where I need to go. I gave the car power to start up and as soon as I did the radio switched on to. "It's 8:32am and today's weather forecast is rain with a chance of thunder" lovely.
I finally entered the school after battling the morning traffic , as I shut my car door the bell went in sync , walking through the entrance makes me feel so uneasy , it's like people make a pathway for me to walk through , not in a good way , it feels like they are avoiding me most of the time , and that is the case.
Hours and hours passed until it was finally lunch , I do have friends but we have drifted a lot since the accident , it's not there fault , it's mine. We still all get on fine but it's hard sometimes , perhaps if someone mentions anything about there Mum , Dad or Brother
everyone just looks at me and expects a reaction.
Although , since it's the start of term we are all getting put into new classes , usually that means new friends to. It's hard trying to fit it in since I have "changed". I just wish I was a normal eighteen year old , going out every night and spending it with your friends or
going to party's or even having a boyfriend , but as I have said there is a reason for all of
this , and I hope to find out soon.
