Today, Love: An Anthology of Self

love as a weapon

ive had a lot of
long nights lately and
foggily recollected mornings and
i replay it all over and
over in my head so many times that
im still haunted by your
eyes and the way you
slid your hand over mine
i looked at you across the
table you did all the
talking and yet you
had the audacity not to
look me in the eyes
so i forgot them
i blamed myself for
so long and that
was your most catastrophic
mistake maybe even your
only true wrongdoing because it's
one thing to shatter a
strong heart but it's
another thing to shatter a
fragile strength in
such a way that finding
the tools for healing is just one
depraved quest after
another as if i haven't
been here before and
come out a deprived guest
in my own sockets as if i haven't
forgotten downcast eyes and had to
piece them back together from
fragments of sleep
as if i don't still feel
their shame in the
dark and keep it
close to my chest as my own