One time in school my teacher brought up religion and it started a heated argument between an Christian and Atheist in the classroom. (I've always been neutral about religion. You'll see why I told you this in a second).
Well, the topic of Noah's ark came into discussion.
The Atheist said that it would be physically impossible to fit two of every animal on the ship and still have it float.
The Christian said it worked because of the 'power of god' or something. (I wasn't really paying attention to his argument because he was being a total ass about it).
So, me being me, I chimed in with a "Well, technically it isn't impossible to fit two of every animal on the ship."
The Atheist rolled his eyes and the Christian cheered, thinking he had someone else on his side.
The Atheist asked me "So, you think the power of god kept that boat afloat? And the power of god managed to fit all of those animals on that boat, which would've had to be bigger than the titanic?"
And I was like "No."
Everyone in the room grew quiet and, were obviously confused.
One person in the back of the room was like "Then what do you mean??"
And I simply smiled and went "You can easily fit two of every animal on that boat. If you shove them through a meat grinder first."
I've never seen so many terrified teenagers in my life, it was beautiful.
Then the Christian got all uppity and went "So, you're a sadistic person, or at the very least a satanist, right?"
And I was like "Nope. I'm neutral."
So the Atheist was like "Then you're an Atheist like me?"
And, I went "No, didn't you JUST hear me? I don't care either way."
Then the Christian yelled "THEN YOU'RE A GODDAMN SATANIST! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU DEVIL WORSHIPING FREAK!!"
(Or something like that, in don't remember the exact words he used.)
The teacher sent him out of the room and quickly resumed the lesson.
Once the class was almost over everyone started lining up at the door to leave for the next period. This girl walked over to me and asked "So, do you like hunting?"
And I replied with "No, I don't like hurting animals."
Then this kid on the other side of the room just shouted "YOU WERE LITERALLY JUST TALKING ABOUT SHOVING ANIMALS INTO A MEAT GRINDER, WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T LIKE HURTING ANIMALS?!?!"
And I fucking died.
So did everyone else.
It was a great day.
YOU ARE READING
True stories
HumorThis is actual stuff that has happened to me in my life. Have fun. (Also the cover picture has noting to do with anything. I just needed to fill it out so I chose a random picture that was already on my computer. :P)
