True stories

Peanuts

So, my friend, Kaitlin had some peanuts in class, here is how the conversation went:

Kaitlin: Hey you want some peanuts?
Me: No thank you, I don't really like nuts.
Kaitlin: But they're good~!
Me: I don't want your nuts! (This is when I started trying to make it an innuendo, because she's a pervert and I wanted her to have a taste of her own medicine.)
Kaitlin: But they're salted and good!
Me: I don't care how good your nuts are, I don't want them!!
Kaitlin: *laughs* I know you want them! *tries to shove them in my face*
Me: I don't want your nuts, stop forcing them on me!!!
Kaitlin: *laughs and tries to shove them in my face again*
Me: I DON'T WANT THEM!!
Kaitlin: But they're good, all you have to do is peel them off and eat them.
Me: I didn't know that you had to peel the nuts before you shove them into your mouth, what's wrong with your nuts?!
Kaitlin: *almost has a heart attack from laughing so hard then tries to give me her peanuts again*
Me: I'll tell my mom that you are trying to force your nuts on me!!
Kaitlin: *laughs* Go ahead, I dare you, I bet you won't!
Me: Really, wanna bet?
Kaitlin: I know you wont!
Me: I will, watch! *pulls out my phone and texts my mom saying 'Kaitlin is trying to force her nuts on me and I don't want them!'* *shows Kaitlin the phone so she sees, and then I hit 'send'*
Kaitlin: OH MY GOD!! What is your mom going to say?! What is she going to think! Are you going to get me in trouble?!?!
Me: Well, she's probably going to just say 'What?' I mean, she gets text messages from my sister so, yeah. And if anything, I'm the one who is going to get interrogated when I get home, you'll be safe. *the phone vibrates telling me that there is a new message*
Me: *looks at my phone to see that it was a message from my mom* Oh, she texted back.
Kaitlin: What'd she say?! *grabs onto me and leans over, trying to look at my phone screen*
Me: *laughs then shows her the phone with a message saying "what?"*
Kaitlin: Peanuts, tell her peanuts!!
Me: Alright. *Replies saying "Peanuts, she's trying to force her salted peanuts on me and I don't want them!"* *shows Kaitlin the message and hits send*
(At this point a lot of the kids in the class are staring at me, even the teacher stopped the lecture to glare at me.)
One of the kids: What are you talking about?
Me: SHE'S TRYING TO FORCE HER NUTS ON ME AND I DON'T WANT THEM!! *points to Kaitlin*
Teacher: *Just stares at me with a face that can only be described as 'They don't pay me enough for this'*
Kid: * is surprised, and maybe a little scared* What?
Me: Hey, I'm talking about peanuts, I don't know what you guys are thinking about.

And that was pretty much it, besides a little ranting about what would happen if I were in a Horror movie, but that's irrelevant.