True stories

Lost Sole

One time when I was in elementary school I had this really worn down pair of shoes. I was walking in from recess with the rest of my class, and the sole of my shoe flew off.
I was super embarrassed, so I did the only thing my child brain could come up with. I just sorta set my foot on top of the sole and slid my feet across the floor, because I guess I thought I had to hide the evidence?
But, I started walking really slow because of this and my teacher noticed. She turned around and saw me lagging WAYYY far behind the other kids, so she called out to me.
"DESIREE HURRY UP, STOP DRAGGING YOUR FEET" and this triggered my lil baby brain's anger reflex. I got super pissed super fast, so I picked up my foot and sort kicked the severed sole at my teacher and screamed something like "MMNNYEHH" because all I could do was make a grunting noise-for whatever reason-.
The look on my teachers face could only be described as "what the fuck". Then she realized she had to regain order somehow, so she said "Young lady pick up the sole of your shoe and get back into class right this instant! Don't make me call your mother!"
I was hella scared of my mom back then, so my mind said the elementary school version of "shit" and I ran up, picked up the sole of my shoe, and stomped into the class room.

When I went home, I showed my dad the broken shoe and was like "Can I get new shoes now?" (I've been asking for like a week) and my dad went "No". He took my broken shoe, put some gorilla glue on it and let it sit over night with a clamp to press it together.
I went back to school the next day being all like "aw ye my shoe's fixed"
Both soles flew off that time. My teacher told my dad that he had to buy me a new pair of shoes or she would call child services.

And that's how I got a new pair of shoes, dope.