"Daniel please-" He growled cutting me off mid sentence; making it obvious that he's pissed beyond belief. I never knew that telling him my past would upset him, at least not like this. I thought that after all we've been through, after everything t...
I didn't mean anything that I said what so ever. So not only am I a douche, I'm also a liar. She's not at all ugly; she's gorgeous. She doesn't have to open up if she doesn't want to, but I keep pushing it even though I know how she's going to react.
As soon as I realized what I said to her, I immediately regretted it. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and it broke my heart, but for some odd reason I got angrier. How come she gets to cry over something that she caused? My reaction was absolutely uncalled for, and I won't be surprised if she never talks to me again. But if I can get her to forgive me, I'll do it. Whatever it takes.
After pacing around my room, yelling at myself for being such an asshole, I pick up the phone and call Nida again. It goes to voice mail after the 3rd ring. I call her again; no answer. I do it again, and again, and again, and again. No damn answer. One last time, I tell myself. If she doesn't answer, I'll leave her alone until I can speak to her in person. She just has to know how sorry I am. The phone rings and rings and rings. Finally, she answers.
"Nida, oh my gosh, I am so-" I ramble but she cuts me off with her sweet voice.
"Daniel, I-" Nida stops speaking, her voice full of sadness and vulnerability. My heart aches at her emotions, the ones that I caused. She shouldn't ever have to feel like this. Not after whatever happened in her past, which I assume is horrible because she won't spill.
"Yeah Nida?" I ask softly, trying to make her hear how regretful I am. She doesn't say anything for a minute, my heart beating loudly. Her next words could make or break me.
"I forgive you! I forgive you and I don't ever wanna be apart Daniel. You're so amazing and I can't be mad at you for too long. It's okay, I forgive you." Is what Nida says in my head. Unfortunately, that's not what she says in real life. What she actually says tears my heart out through my chest.
"Stop calling me!" Then she hangs up.
•••
You know how some people say "your biggest enemy is yourself"? Whoever came up with that is a genius because I'm definitely my worst enemy. I would punch myself in the teeth if I could; all because I hurt Nida. I'm the most absolute, horrendous person alive. By a long shot. Fuck. Shit. Fuck shit.
Something inside of me says to stop feeling bad for myself and get over it. She's just a girl, one of the many that I had. There's more fish in the sea...
Yeah no, she's the only girl I can think about. That I want to think about. Dammit Daniel! Why did you have to go and fuck everything up?! It's all you're good at!
Just kidding I'm great at a lot of things.
I haven't left my room all day and it's only been 2 hours since she said to stop calling (which hurts me every time I think about it). I've been staring at the ceiling, laying on my bed, replaying everything. The words I said, what could've been different, what me and Nida would be doing right now if there was a different outcome. All of this because I was being nosy.
My phone rings next to me and I jump up in an excited trance. My whole body wants Nida to be the one calling me, but if course it's not. She made herself very clear that she doesn't want to talk to me. Chris is the one calling me, so after I get over the fact that Nida didn't call, I answer.
"WHAT DID YOU DO!" He exclaims quickly. In the background, I hear faint yelling in the background. I sigh and shake my head.
"I didn't mean it, I overreacted." My fingers rub circles into my temples, my brain finally getting tired of this situation. I want it over, for me and Nida to resolve this in some way because I'm tired of thinking about it. It's irritating and mildly annoying scenario to be in. If I could start the day over and change what happened, I definitely would. In a heartbeat.
"No kidding, Ariel is here yelling up a storm in Spanish. Do you know how hard it is to agree with your girlfriend about something and you have no idea what she's saying?" Ariel's voice stands out more, as if she's walking closer to the phone.
"¡Daniel es un idiota! Tiene tanta suerte de que Nida no se lo diga a su familia." Is the first words I can make out and the only thing I understood was Daniel is an idiot. She's right though. "Who is that Chris? Is that Daniel?"
"Babe-"
"Gimme!" The phone makes a shuffling noise on the other end and suddenly my ears are being blown off by Ariel. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! FIRST YOU YELL AT HER, THEN SAY FUCK YOU, THEN CALL HER UGLY, THEN HANG UP WITHOUT LETTING HER TALK! YOU. ARE. A. DICK!" She's the only person who has kept it real, not sugar coating anything, for as long as I've been alive. It's amazing. Nida can be like that on occasion, but not all the time. She likes to spare feelings; she's so sweet.
Moving on, I tell her how sorry I am and how I want to tell Nida the same. Ariel scoffs loudly and sighs. "You need to learn to listen and not just talk. She may not have the best people skills but she has a good reason. And, she felt bad for going off. She was going to apologize and you guys would be totally fine right now." She finally lowers her voice.
What she just said makes me feel 100 times more worse. Nida was going to apologize and I cut her off and hung up. Well shit, I'm officially the biggest prick of the century. I'm going to have to apologize in class.
•••
For the first time in my life, I'm the first person in history class. My knee bobs as I wait for Nida. People file in, but I don't see my 5'4" black haired cutie. I see Kasey, but she means nothing to me anymore.
I mean jeez, you sleep with a girl once and automatically she's attached to your arm.
The warning bell rings and Nida still isn't here, which kinda deflated my heart a little. I want- no need her to be her so I can explain. She needs to hear me, and I need to listen to her. Everything needs to be clarified.
Nida is the last person in class, her eyes puffy and her face pale. Looking at her breaks my heart. I did that, I hurt her. She keeps her gaze down and slumps next to me, sitting as far as possible. I really want her to look at me, but she won't. She won't talk, look, or even acknowledge me.
Unfortunately, we don't get to do partner work today but we are getting a lecture. I never listen or take notes but Nida does without fail. She's amazing. I fucked up bad.
I try to contain myself until the end of class but I can't not talk to her, so I write a note like we are in the 6th grade.
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The bell rings and she's the first out of class.
•••
[A/N]
Oh snap, I delivered again. Heyy. So I'm dragging this fight out even though one party is sad and the other feels horrible. Trust, I got plans for this story and y'all better be ready for the wave coming at you. :) love y'all. Please vote and comment. Ummm bye homies.
