Spanglish | editing

Chapter Twenty-One

Today has been one of the most draining days of my entire life. My mother got fired by my boyfriend's parents, that is enough to make anyone panic. What we are going to do, I'm not sure. I'm most likely going to have to get a job and help out, the chances of my mom getting a job that paid as much as her previous is very low. I got used to our new life, where we all went to school and came home at the same time to see our mother and spend the rest of the day with her. We didn't have to worry about when the next time we would see mom, we didn't have to worry about spending time with her on the weekend, we didn't have to worry at all. But now, I have everything to worry about.

Besides that, Daniel has been so supportive. Something inside of me wants to be equally as mad at Daniel as I am his parents, but there's an overriding feeling that doesn't allow me to mad at Daniel. Firstly, it's not his fault. He said that he has nothing to do with his family's business and that he barely talks to them at all. Secondly, the way Danny has comforted me today alone proves that he wouldn't want anything bad to happen to me. I trust him, I trust him a lot.

But now, there is another emotion that I feel whenever I'm with Daniel. It's this overwhelming feeling of care, trust, compassion. It's something that I've never felt before. Everytime he kisses me, it's as if there's a ball of fire in my stomach that quickly spreads throughout my body. Just thinking about him makes thousands of butterflies go apeshit crazy in my stomach. Right before he went downstairs to talk to his parents, the look in his eyes matched the emotion in my head.

Love.

I don't know if I love him because I've never loved someone like this before. Is love even the emotion I'm feeling? I think it is, I'm almost positive. Yet I'm not sure. Does he even love me? Jesus, this is confusing me.

Even from another level of the house, I can hear Daniel's voice raising. He said he wouldn't yell, yet he is. Guilt passes through me, it being my fault that Daniel is yelling at his parents. I don't want to be the reason they become more separated than they already are. If anything I want their family to be closer. I don't want to be the thing Daniel chooses over his family. At the same time, I don't want to lose him so he can be closer to his family. I'm contradicting myself.

Once I hear him yell to the point that I can almost make out the words he is saying, I stand up and start to go downstairs. It's time for me to leave anyways. As I walk down stairs, his words become more and more clear. Yet by the time I'm downstairs, what he says completely shocks me.

"Well think a-fucking-gain. I will never ever let her go. No matter what you do."

My mom got fired because of me. She got fired because I'm with Daniel. It's all my fault. Hearing that feels like a knife going straight through my chest. My fault. Everything is my fault. And the most confusing part is why Daniel is refusing to break up with me. He refused to leave me, this both making me elated and scared at the same time. If they can fire my mom in attempts to get us to break up, what else can they do? I feel my heart pound faster and I bite my lip. Daniel's parents break their gaze from their son and look up at me. Daniel takes a deep breath and says:

"She's behind me, isn't she?"

He quickly stands and and walks over to me, guiding me away from his family's gaze. I don't do anything but look at him with wide eyes and my mouth agape. Daniel takes me to the living room and sits me down on his couch.

"It's my fault. It's because we are together. My fault." I stammer, causing him to wrap his arms around me and pull me to his chest. His hand runs up and down my back and his warmth helps calm down, however I'm still in a state of emotional shock.

"It's not your fault. It's theirs. Not ours." Daniel coos as he rests his rests his head on the top of mine. I put my arms around his waist and pull myself closer to his body, his touch seeming to relax me a little. We sit in silence, just wrapped up in each other for a few minutes before he speaks again. "Nida, I know we've only been dating for a little bit but I think I lo-"