Spanglish | editing

Chapter Thirteen

I have never felt more poor in my entire life. After Chris sent me Daniel's address, I drove 10 minutes out of my way into a white picket fence community. Every house is identical: large family homes with garages and perfectly cut grass. Little kids running up and down the street, mothers walking with other moms, dogs playing with each other. It's all so perfect, it's everything I don't have.

I don't have the family that you watch on tv, I don't have what this neighborhood does, and by all means my family isn't perfect.

But I fucking love my family and I wouldn't change it for anything. If I could bring my dad back home, I probably would but I wouldn't trade in the bond I've grown with my siblings and mother. That means so much to me.

Finally finding the right house, I pull into Daniel's driveway and just sit there. I shouldn't be here. Scratch that, I DEFINITELY shouldn't be here. My body knows that I shouldn't want to talk to him, to want to make up, to kiss him. Gosh, we have only kissed a total of two times and both were freaking amazing. I've made up my mind, I going in there and sorting this out.

Stepping out of my car and walking up to the door, I take a deep breath to push away all my anxiety and knock on the door. Immediate regret floods my brain: why am I here? What's going on? What did I do? Fuck, I'm here now so I can't take it back. The car is right behind me, just get in and drive away.

I ain't no punk.

A smiling Hispanic woman opens the door. "Hi, how can I help you?" She asks in a thick accent.

"I'm so sorry, I think I have the wrong house. Do you happen to know where the Tyson family lives?"

"Oh cariño, he lives here. Come in, yes?" I smile and step in after her. His parents are probably the most rich, unoriginal people I know. Their home looks exactly like what you'd find in a magazine or a movie. You walk straight into a living room that was probably designed by a professional. There's a flat screen, a huge couch, a coffee table with random yet aesthetically pleasing clutter, and everything matches. All the colors, the wood, all matchy-matchy. Rich people; even the inside of their homes are beautiful yet basic.

"¿Eres tu doncella? (Are you their maid?)" I ask, standing in the center of the living room. She turns to look at me and nods.

"Daniel nunca ha tenido una novia hispana. (Daniel has never had a Hispanic girlfriend.)" She gestures me to sit down. "Let me get him."

I fold my hands on my lap and sit down awkwardly, patiently waiting for her to get Daniel. God, what am I going to say? 'Hey Daniel, I don't hate you I'm just pissed.' That's way too blunt. No ones here, I can totally leave and no one would know.

"I didn't think you were ever gonna talk to me again." Turning my head, I see a shirtless Daniel with an arched brow and a shirt in his hand. Abs. So much abs. Oh my gosh. Dios mio. Clearing my throat, I stand up and walk towards him.

"Is she your contact?"

"Huh?"

I laugh. "In the beginning of the year, I said that I wouldn't talk to you unless you learned Spanish. You came back saying that you had contacts." Daniel pulls a shirt over his head and laughs with me.

"Yeah, I guess." An awkward silence falls in between us and I look at the floor. I'm so clueless as to what I'm supposed to say right now. A small part of me wants him to start this conversation. He clears his throat and smiles again.

"I was angry." He sighs. I run a hand through my hair and bite my lip.

"Me too." Daniel steps closer to me and frowns as I hug my arms around my body. I would start to cry if he hugged me and I don't want to cry in front of him. I need to appear strong even if I'm not. "I can't tell you about my dad Daniel."

Saying those words feel like a thousand pounds off my chest. Now, as if it wasn't clear before, he knows that my dad is an off limits topic. At least until I'm ready, I deserve that much.

"You can trust me Nida." Daniel says softly as he steps closer to me, but I take a step back.

"I know Daniel, it's just-" My voice breaks. It's finally time, I'm getting this off my chest. I back into his couch and lean on it. I'm doing everything in my power not to cry, not to say too much, but to do the correctly. Taking a deep breath, I begin to talk.

"It's been my job to stay strong for my family after the situation with my dad. I've been the one to hold the family down and keep everything going. Then you come and mess up everything!" I ball the hem of my shirt in my fist and fight back tears. My eyes won't even look at Daniel, scared at what I might see. He needs to hear this.

"I was supposed to finish high school and go to a local college with no distractions. Distractions make you... weak. I can't be weak. I never have been. But you!" My eyes finally snap up to Daniel, who's face is a conflicting show of confusion and shock. I point a finger at him and suddenly get angry. "You make me feel vulnerable! You make me feel dependent and not independent! I can't feel this way even though I want to." My hand drops and so does his face. Fear comes on his face to replace the initial shock and confusion, then he step towards me.

"Nida please, don't do what I think you're about to do." He says in a low voice, slowly reaching his hand out towards me. I shake my head and put my hands behind my back. Don't hold his hand Nida, not until you're finished speaking. "Nida please."

"Danny, it HURTS. I can't have something that can leave me. The anxiety of you finally seeing me as something you don't want or need and leaving, it fucking sucks. I can't be left again-" I put a hand over my mouth, partially to stop me from over speaking and to stop me from crying.

Without any warning, Daniel's arms are around me and that comforting feeling comes right back. I cry into his shirt while he whispers to me how he'll never leave me despite my past. And even though I hug him back...

I don't believe him. Not yet.

•••

[A/N]

HI LOVES! How are y'all? Happy Labor Day and all that noise. I missed you guys! I even procrastinated my AP U.S. History homework to write this -_- ummm what did y'all think about the chapter???? What do you think should happen next? Cuz even I don't know. I have a plan for the future and ending of this book but not the next chapter. Uhhh..... I love you guys and have a great day :) bye homies.

~ Erica Letta