From scratch ✔️

15. Coming to terms.

I must admit - wrapping one's head around everything that went down yesterday was nearly impossible. In a matter of hours I went from being an ordinary christian girl to being some freaking mother nature kin, that has little to do with humans, having no connection to Jesus Christ whatsoever, in exchange getting yourself a new god, yet better say goddess, carrying a Were child, not really knowing who the father is (well, nothing new here), with all the little nuances and perks. Still, I had a lot of unknown ahead of me, but already me head was burning up from overthinking everything. And who wouldn't overthink? How did my little fucked up life turned out to be this fairy tale of craziness?

So here am I, freshly out of the shower at 10am next morning after my life got turned upside down. Staring in the mirror. My face reflected the confusion and the shock that I felt so deep, that it echoed in my fingertips with a feeling of utter cold. As if my fingerprints were trying to melt themselves off. I rubbed my face with my hand and took a deep breath, hoping it would clear my mind a bit. What was I supposed to do now with this information? Do I go out of the room and continue as nothing ever happened? But that's clearly impossible, how can I ignore this new piece of information? Tea, I need camomile tea, I decided. Yeah, that's what I need. And that's what I did. With my head hung low I went to my room, got dressed into a baggy long grey dress with a pug print on my already protruding belly and simple black flats. I left my still damp hair loose to air dry.

The house was quiet, event that beast of a dog wasn't there. I figured that Jonathan has let hi to wonder in the nearby woods, and that was fine with me. I didn't think that my mind would be able to handle any sort of communication at that point, even with a dog. I made my self one huge cup of steaming brew and stepped on the back porch. Food was also out of the question for now. As gracefully as I could I lowered my self on the steps and just started into space sipping my tea. I was so out of it, that I didn't even notice how Lena appeared on the edge of the tree line and calmly walked in my direction. Only when she sat right next to me on the porch steps I realized I wasn't alone anymore. I gave Lena a small smile and continued staring into space. Lena was quiet, I figured she knew that I needed space to think and I would talk to her when I was ready. Which I wasn't. Damn. I was so confused. Having Lena's silent support helped me take a pause in the whirlwind of thoughts that plagued my brain. I decided to take a step back and analyze everything again.so, here's what I had:

1. Werewolf's are real. How did that make me feel?  Well, I had the thime to get used to the idea that they exist, so I guess I was cool with all this mythical world. In fact, I was quite enchanted with it, it seemed more honest that the world I grew up in, more pure. Animalistic? Yes, but that only made it more logical, life based on your natural instincts. So yes, I was ok with that.

2. The father of my baby was a werewolf. I guess that knowledge made everything that happened that night more understandable. It was hard to believe that an ordinary human being could have the speed, the strength to do what they did and the ability to find me in the woods at night, because I was certain that at least at one point I hid pretty well. And after all the doctors did conclude that I was attacked by an animal, so yeah. Was I ok with that? Certainly no. If anything, it made me feel uneasy. Because let's face it, the bastard was crazy. Or bastards? What if all 3 of them were were's? What if they found out about the child and decided to take it away from me? I still didn't know what the were community thought about mothers rights for a child. All them don't seem like the parenting type though, so I sure do hope that that's not an option. Or, there could also be another possibility - that they found out about the baby and decided to kill me and my child? I mean, or hope, that that's unlikely, why should they care? No one believed my accusations anyway, so I presume to be safe, right? Anyhow, this all brings me to fact nr.3

3. My child is not human. How does that make me feel? Surprisingly I'm ok with that. Why? Well, I'm in a city full of werewolves, my child will not stand out, and I love my baby and will love him or her no matter what. Cheesy? Cliché? Yes. But it's the truth. So yeah, I'm ok.