Sweatshirts in July *Solby*

July 12th

20 days 

 Colby was numb as he read and reread the note Sam had left him. He knew it was coming. He couldn't hide behind his blissful thoughts anymore, not after he saw all of that left over blood. He cried, but now his tears were all dried up, nothing but a headache was left. In Colby's right hand he gripped the sweatshirt that was left for him. His name on the paper was scribbled in haste like a last minute thought that sent a pang into his chest. Was he the last person Sam thought of as he died? Colby couldn't handle the thought as he quickly shook it away. His heart seemed to be barely beating and his mind couldn't comprehend what was happening. The boy who wore sweatshirts in July was gone. The blonde was no longer sitting in the bed underneath the white bed sheets drawing or writing out his thoughts. It was like a hazy nightmare for the brunette. He already missed hearing Sam's monotone voice and his little quips. Right now he would have been told to stop staring. He would have replied with a roll of his eyes and told a lame excuse, following it up with an upbeat reminder that today would be the day he saved Samuel Golbach. 

 There was no next day or next time. Colby was suppose to save the boy but he failed. He thought he gave the blonde a shadow of hope but instead he gave him artificial happiness, what even was that? The smiles he some times got from the blonde were fake? Was Colby not trying hard enough? Why didn't he spend the night with Sam last night, why didn't he stop him? Why didn't he save him? Colby didn't realize he had more tears running down his cheek until he tasted them on his lips. 

 "Excuse me?" Colby turned around as he frantically tried to wipe away the falling tears. A girl with long caramel hair and a said smile stood in the door way. She wore blue scrubs and held sorrow in her eyes. Her name tag read Katrina, the girl must have been one of the newer nurses his mom hired, "Uh, Hi." Colby awkwardly responded as Katrina walked in, her eyes focused on where she found the body, "It was my fault you know." Katrina whimpered the white floor in place of where the crimson blood once sat, Colby didn't say a word as Katrina walked over and sat on the empty bed, 

 "It was my pin he used. It was on my lanyard, it was just a simple american flag pin that I got at a cheap store for a decoration. I hadn't been able to find it. If only I had just realized, if only I had paid more attention to my surroundings I could have found it. " Silence hung in the air as Colby searched for the right words to try and calm the now crying nurse, "If it's anyone's fault it's mine. I was given a task, to save him. I obviously failed. Katrina, you wouldn't have been able to stop anything, no one could of." Colby reassured the girl along with himself. He knew it was true but he just couldn't fully believed it. He felt responsible, they both did. The girl in front of him let out a dry laugh, just like how Sam would have when he heard a corny statement come out of Colby's lips, 

 "It's like god is telling me it's my fault. I found the body. He looked so peaceful lying there in his own blood. I screamed so loud. It's my fault and I have to live with the guilt and the image of him dead." Katrina let out a sob as Colby stood there unsure what to do, his own tears now once again freely gliding down his cheek. He brought the sweatshirt up to his face and wiped his tears away, the sweatshirt smelt of cheap crayons and Sam. 

  Both girl and boy cried as they both blamed themselves for Sam's suicide, yet they both knew deep down it was neither of their faults. Sam was a broken boy with voices much louder than their own. It was inevitable. At least the blonde was free and they both hoped he was finally happy, hoping he was tasting the first thing because both of them knew real happiness tasted better than that forced artificial act. 

  They hoped he was happy as they wallowed in there sadness, unable to believe the blonde was really gone. 

A/N: I kind of cried while writing this?? See I do have a heart. I have more things planned, soon my darlings. ~Nightmare