Boyf riends One-Shots (BMC)

My fault

HEY LOOK ANGSTY SHIT

Post-Squip

"My fault, my fault, my fault," Jeremy muttered to himself. He was on his bedroom floor, knees hugged to his chest as he spoke to himself. His hair a mess, due to his forehead being drenched in sweat.

He had no idea that his brain was capable of lashing back at himself. He was afraid of the voice in his head that was his own voice.

"It's my fucking fault!" He told himself, referring to the Halloween party. He could only imagine Michael having his own panic attack on the bathroom floor, sobbing his eyes out as he had told Jeremy.

They had talked about it a few days earlier, what exactly had happened that night. Jeremy couldn't help but blame himself for everything that happened. He had made Michael want to "off himself, wish he was never born." A tear rolled down his cheek at the thought.

He vividly imagined Michael in that bathroom, a pill bottle in his hand, frantically screwing off the lid. Eyes puffy from crying all night, Michael would've taken a handful of the drugs and forced himself to swallow them all. He would've died within minutes.

Jeremy shook the terrible fantasy out of his head, knowing well that Michael was alive.

Michael's alive and okay. He's fine. He forgave me and I apologized.... But I can never make up for what I did-
"I fucked up! For the millionth time in my life, I fucked everything up because of a stupid thing I did! I made him... I made...." He couldn't even continue, his sentence taken over by hiccups of sobs.

"I fucked up, why am I such a screw up? Why can't I just be fucking normal and okay!" He cried to himself, vision blurred by salty tears. He didn't even notice his bedroom door open. Michael didn't see him at first, because Jeremy was on the floor next to the door.

"Hey, Jer, your dad let me in... hey where-?" He took a look around the room before his eyes wandered down near his feet where he heard a shaky breath. Jeremy stared up at him, tears still running down his face.
"Jer?"
"I'm such a fuck up," Jeremy said quietly burying his face into his hands. Michael quickly closed the door and sat on the floor next to his friend.

"What're you talking about?"
"What do you mean what am I talking about!" Jeremy shouted in a sudden burst of fury. He wasn't mad at Michael, he was angry with himself. "Th-the bathroom! You could've just gone a-and, just... you could've... killed yourself," Jeremy ended in a whisper, staring Michael in the eyes.
"Jeremy-"
"I fucked up, I totally fucked up because I'm a worthless shit," Jeremy said more to himself than Michael.
"No-"
"I made you want to kill yourself! It's my fucking fault!" Jeremy ignored Michael's attempts at stopping him from speaking. "Why are you even still my friend, is it just pity? That's what it is, isn't it? You just feel bad because of the pathetic loser I am, y-you only pretend–"
"SHUT UP, JEREMY!" Michael yelled, taking Jeremy by the shoulders and forcing him to face him.

Jeremy noticed for the first time that Michael had tears sliding down his cheeks.

"I am your friend, it's not a game or anything! I care about you, I love you! You are completely worth it and you matter," Michael said sternly, blinking away tears. "Don't let anyone, even yourself, make you think otherwise. You're okay, okay? No one's perfect."
"That's the thing though, I'm even less perfect than everyone else. I'm fucking screwed in the head! I made yo–"
"Jeremy! Yes... in the heat of the moment I was... upset. I had just lost my best friend to a dangerous supercomputer."
"It was off."
"But that was not you. That was a fucked up version of you, doing what the Squip would've told you to do anyway. It was not you," Michael attempted to convince Jeremy.
"I-I'm... how can you even still... like me after I did all that? It was me, I-"

Michael leaned in a kissed Jeremy right on the lips, shutting him up.

"I fucking love you! Okay?!" Michael blurted, his face bright red. He ignored his obvious blush and searched Jeremy's face for some type of reaction.
"I... I don't deserve you. I love you, too, but I'm... I'm too... too..." he couldn't even finish his sentence before breaking out into sobs again. Michael took Jeremy's head and laid it in his lap, fingers running through Jeremy's messy hair.

"It's okay. It's okay. I love you because you're awesome. You're cooler than a vintage cassette, Jer," he spoke, and Jeremy smiled to himself.
"Okay," he accepted Michael's compliments. "Thank you."
"It's no big," Michael said, looking down at Jeremy in his lap. He really did love the boy.

Two in one night because why tf not?