My Hands Hold My Story (Rough Draft)

Chapter Twenty-One

As hard as I tried, I couldn't shake the feeling of guilt that created knots in my stomach. Would the baby have lived if I'd been faster about getting help? If Susan had been inside and heard her mother call for help, would things have been different?

Though the stew Mrs. Evers set before us that night smelled delicious, I had no appetite. Father didn't join us, but went to the barn. Katie and Sam, on the other hand, dug into the food with obvious glee. Susan made an attempt to eat, and Remy kept his head down as he ate.

When Anna came out of the bedroom, she was balling up cloths, which she dropped next to the back door. She sat in the empty chair next to Remy, and then...did nothing. Arms crossed, she stared at Mrs. Evers as though she were waiting for something.

Her lips a thin line of disapproval, Mrs. Evers set a bowl of stew in front of my step sister. Without a word, Anna picked up her spoon and began to eat.

How could she be so rude to someone who had gone out of her way to help her mother?

Frustrated, I couldn't stay at the table a moment longer. Shoving my chair back, I stood up and faced our neighbor. "Thank you," I said and signed. At least one of us should show our appreciation, and attempt to keep good relations with our neighbor.

Mrs. Evers's face, which had been tight with disapproval, softened with a smile and she gave a nod of acknowledgement. She then moved to help Katie, who had knocked over her glass of milk. Anna certainly made no attempt to clean up the mess.

More and more, I didn't understand my stepsister. It was a wonder she had any friends at all if this was how she behaved around people.

Though I knew I should go to bed and get some rest, I felt too restless to do so. When I wandered over to the back door, I could see the lantern light shining through the open barn door. It wasn't hard to guess what Father was doing out there.

He was building a coffin.

Leaning against the doorway, I closed my eyes. While I hadn't been looking forward to the birth of another sibling, my heart ached that he—she?—had died without a chance at life. What must Cordelia be thinking and feeling? Of course, life must go on for the rest of us and it was useless to think on what might have been.

I'd done it when Aunt Ruth died, somehow, so I knew I could do so again.

A hand on my shoulder made me start. I glanced back and through tear filled eyes, I saw Remy frowning at me. Once he was sure he had my attention, he jerked his heads up slightly. From that gesture, I surmised that he thought I needed rest.

Despite everything, he still cared. I managed a slight smile and brushed away the tears that had escaped my eyes. Briefly, Remy squeezed my fingers and then let his hand fall away. He slipped passed me and walked out into the dark outside. I watched him enter the barn and then the barn door swung shut a moment later.

Father wouldn't have to care for his heavy task alone.

There was a tug on my skirt, and I knew without looking that it was Katie. The girl had caught on rather quickly that she needed to be creative to get my attention. She blinked up at me, fatigue weighing heavy on her face, as she held up her arms.

With a sigh, I picked her up. I hadn't done laundry, so what did it matter if I woke up with wet sheets in the morning? If I took charge of Katie, then someone else would need to look after Sam, who was falling asleep on the floor. Anna refused to acknowledge me when I tried to signal her.

Susan, though, saw what I wanted. She slid out of her chair and picked the toddler up. Before she carried him to the ladder, she faced Mrs. Everson and said, "Thank you, ma'am."