River Lets Her Walls Down (Doctor who Fanfiction)

River Lets Her Walls Down- Tears

The curly haired women sprinted down the drive, tears pooling at the edges of her sorrow filled eyes. She hid her face in her mane of golden curls, not wanting anyone to know how she felt on the inside. She shoved the key into the lock, forcefully, and dove into her apartment. Slamming the door behind her she revealed her face, grief stricken. Hot tears were flooding her eyes and pouring down her cheeks.

The Doctor wasn't there, so there was no longer any need to hide the damage. She slid down the door and pulled her knees to her face. She needed a good cry, to just let it all out, just this once. She, River Song, wanted to be stop being strong for everyone else. She hugged her knees, nestling her face into her hands.

She wished someone would come and comfort her after such a beastly experience. She hadn't been able to let her walls down for a week, in fear that the Doctor would see her.

She had spent a two weeks trying to help him get over this loss. Even though she was only trying to help him, he threw harsh comments towards her, ignored her, he even cut her skin at one point.
She looked down at her wrist where he had left an imprint in her skin. The flesh was bright red and the cut was deep. She remembered what he had said as he dug his finger nails into her flesh.

FLASH BACK
River knelt next to the Doctor in a random room in the TARDIS. She placed her hands over his in a form of comfort. He didn't look up, clearly he was ignoring her.

"Doctor..." She started. She hated seeing him this way, it broke her heart. The Doctor did not reply. River reached her hand out and cupped his face. She tried to tip his face up, so that his eyes would meet her own, but he fought to keep his head down.

"Please...Doctor, you...y-you can't go on like this..." River said trying to sound confident though worry made its way into her voice.

"What do you know? Hmmm? Your parents don't even love you! I heard them talking. You know what Amy said? She said 'I wish River Song or Melody Pond (What ever you want to call that idiot) was never born! She's ruined my life!' And Rory agreed!" The Doctor yelled ice lacing his voice.

River trembled, looking at him hurt reflecting in her eyes. She shuffled back slightly waiting to see if he had anything else to say. He did...

"You deserved all you got with the Silence and Madame Kovarian! I don't know why anyone would even want to look at you! I am sick of pretending to love you, River Song." These words hit her as if she'd just walked into a brick wall. Now he look her straight in the eye, ice flowing from his deep, agonising eyes.

He gripped her wrist, digging his finger nails deeply into her flesh. River groaned as crimson liquid oozed from her skin, staining the Doctors sleeve.

"I have never loved you. I only pretended for the Pond's sakes. Now that they're all gone, there's no need to hide it any more. River, you have to stop hiding yourself from the truth! Nobody has ever loved you, and nobody ever will! You're a thick-headed rat, and I have known that from the day I met you when you died!" The Doctor snarled, a cold grin plastered to his face.

River held in her tears knowing they would only make it worse. She held an apathetic expression on her face trying to keep her strong wall up. The bitter truth set a wave of crystal ice to her heart. Ice cubes danced around threatening to insert themselves into to her heart forever. That's when River left. She could take no more.

New tears spilled out of her tired, red eyes. Slowly River got up and staggered to her bedroom. The crying was exhausting her. She slipped under her TARDIS blue covers, not even bothering to change into her pyjamas.

Memories of her recent encounter drowned her thoughts. The pillow below her had a small wet patch on it from her tears. River would do anything to change these memories into a silly little dream, but the stench of reality floated its way into the room. That could never be an option.

That night without realising, she managed to fall into a deep slumber, her eyes still damp from crying.

Nightmares haunted her dreams. She tried to wake up and escape the dreams but something held her in them with no means of retreat. Images flashed through her mind; killing the Doctor, the Doctor refusing to marry her (How that had hurt), the Silence, Madame Kovarian (that evil laugh had always terrified her, though she would never admit it), her parents jumping of a building (She still had to hide the damage), the Doctor not trusting her, the Doctor and her parents leaving her with the Sisters of the Infinite Schism hospital (Alone, afraid and confused) and finally the Doctor telling her he did not love her and he never had (that had torn her heart out in one swift movement.).

(Nightmare)
She was strapped to a experimental table with no possibility of escape. River looked down to see that her stomach was bulging before her.

The shock of a sudden unknown pregnancy sent a churning sensation deep inside her. She her a voice that she did not recognise followed by one that she did.

"Do ya think she's ready? I mean it's only been a few hours, do ya think she'll survive it?" The unclear voice asked, excited in it's rush for answers.

"Woah, slow down! Yes, she is most certainly ready for this, though I don't really care if she dies!" Rory's voice laughed mockingly. River realised that the two people who were talking were her
parents.

"Oh look, I think she's ready to pop!" The voice of Madame Kovarian teased, just before River let out a scream.

Her abdomen was on fire, she struggled to comfort her pain through the thick straps restrained her. A doctor walked up to her a large syringe in his hands. He wore a blue mask over his mouth and a blue hat over his hair. He let out a chuckle before revealing who he was, it was the Doctor. Her Doctor. He laughed at the horrified look on her face.

"Hello sweetie! How's the pregnancy?" The Doctor mocked, shoving the syringe into her arm, the iquid slowly making its way into her body.

"Doctor?," River whimpered, "W-when did I become......pregnant?"

"About...hmm...maybe two hours ago..." The Doctor estimated.

"Two hours? But how?" River asked quivering. She was still struggling, tugging at the straps.

"We implanted you with artificially, then we sped up the process. We need this child, to give to Madame Kovarian. Oh, the pain you and your child are gonna receive." The Doctor chuckled, looking at the scanner beside the table.

"Amy! Look at this! Her heart's slowing down! Looks like she is going to die!" Rory said laughing ike a maniac. Amy looked at the scanner and began to smile.

"That's great!" Amy cheered walking over to River.

She glared down at River a harsh look to her eyes. "You deserve this, for taking away my baby!" Amy shouted slapping River across the cheek.

"Ow! I didn't take your daughter, I am your daughter. Please, Amy." River said pain striking her stomach.

"Doctor! Doctor...Doctor...help me...I'm in so much pain!" River called as her abdominal pain accelerated.

"But I want you in pain, this is what you earned. Pain! River, pain!" The Doctor yelled pulling out a knife. He began to plunge it toward her. River felt an acute pain as the the tip on the knife dented her skin. It appeared to cut easily, though the Doctor pushed slowly as if trying to make it more painful.

River shrieked, not only from the physical pain but also from the emotional pain. The knowledge that the Doctor didn't love her was biting her hearts. She couldn't stand it. It was all too much, to overwhelming. Too much, but then it all turned dark and black. Endless black.