Life is Liz (LiL, #1)

Chapter 55: Part 1: First Times

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When was the last time you did something for the first time?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I was little my feelings of fear confused me, it still did now, but it was worse in my childhood. I wasn't able to detect the link between the ache in my tummy and fear. I always thought I was ill. I remember that one time my family and I went to a fair. I'd always protest when I was asked to join my sister on a ride, but one time I dared myself to accept the offer. Bad idea.

I was so scared I almost threw up, before and during the ride. When I told my parents that I was feeling sick to my stomach they were worried, but claimed that it was due to the cotton candy I stuffed myself with before the ride.

So that was that. After that occurrence, I never told my parents about this strange tummy ache again. It was odd really, because, in a way, I was able to distinguish illness from fear in the way my stomach hurt, but since I didn't know that it was in fact anxiety I always wrote it off as a temporary stomach ache.

One thing I did know about this mental ache, was that it had never changed, it always felt the same, sometimes more forceful than other times, but the feeling stayed equal. It was always the same type of torture I went through. As I was now.

The uneasy twist in my stomach region had me mentally toppling over in pain. On the outside, however, all I did was purse my lips and tighten the sweaty grip I had on my other hand, my index finger and thumb playing with the ring on my left pointer finger. My thoughts were racing in my head, trying to find a way to somehow calm myself, with little success. I sat stiffly in my seat, not daring to move a muscle. My chest was tight as my heart beat furiously against my ribcage. At this point, nausea was hard to handle.

Suddenly, Sam reached out and put his hand on my knee, temporarily distracting me from the painful mess inside of me. "Are you excited, love?"

He blindly reached for my hand and intertwined our fingers before bringing them to his lips and kissing the back of my hand.

I was hyper aware of the sweat that coated my palms, but the feel of his skin against mine willed me not to pull away.

"Uh, a little nervous," I admitted since anxiety had had my facade crumbling an hour ago, leaving me bare.

He gave my hand another kiss before placing them on his chest. "Don't be. You don't need to worry. Everyone will love you, babe." He gave my hand a squeeze. I wanted to smile, but I found I couldn't do so genuinely. I wish I'd stop worrying too.

Today was the day I'd be meeting the people closest to Sam, his friends and family. I'd been dreading this day ever since my boyfriend first suggested it. Not because I didn't want to meet them, but...well, you already knew why. Because of this exact situation.

However, it was just now that I realized I'd told him all about the people closest to me, but he never told me much about his friends and family.

"Tell me about your mom," I said, trying to distract myself from the ache inside of me.

"What do you want to know?" He asked, absently tightening his grip on my hand.

"I don't know. What are her hobbies?"

"Hmm, well, she reads a lot."

"Really?!"

He laughed at my excitement. "Yeah, she's joined a book club and everything. I thought you might be happy about that."