Saving Grant Ward

Chapter Thirty

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A medical team came in just behind Fury. They couldn't do anything but pull a sheet over Phil's head and carry him away. I didn't move. I just kept staring at the place Phil used to be. His blood had left a stain on the wall of the Helicarrier.

Distantly, I thought I heard Grant calling my name, but he sounded too far away for me to respond. The only thing that mattered, the only thing I could focus on, was Phil.

The man who'd brought me to SHIELD in the first place, who'd been there for me whenever and wherever I needed him. Who'd shared my enthusiasm for Paula Pinske books, despite the fact that he definitely knew how poorly they reflected reality.

Who'd never get his trading cards signed by Steve. Because he was dead. Loki had killed him, and now, I'd never see him again.

The numbness started to fade, replaced by sensations and emotions that I did not want. Hot tears streamed down my face. The cold Helicarrier air left me chilled. Claws dug into my heart and squeezed for all they were worth, trying to shred it apart like Loki had done to Phil's.

I sobbed, ignoring all the other agents and professionals in the room. As the feeling came back to my body, though, something else squeezed, a pair of strong arms wrapped around me and holding me tight. Grant.

His arms loosened just enough for him to move around in front of me. Slowly, I drug my eyes away from Phil's blood spot on the wall as Grant physically blocked my line of sight. I forced myself to meet his eyes and found his brow creased with worry.

"Samantha," he breathed. "Please, say something. You're scaring me."

I took a deep breath. I wasn't sure how long Grant had been trying to catch my attention, but for better or worse I was back in the moment now.

"I'm here, Grant," I said quietly. His whole body sagged with relief.

"Thank god," he sighed, pulling me tightly into him again for a hug. I took a deep, shaky breath, then slowly moved my arms up to wrap around Grant and buried my head in his chest.

"...He's gone," I breathed, reality hitting me all over again. I couldn't hold back another wave of tears, this time muffled by Grant's chest, and he pulled me even tighter to him, slowly rubbing his hand across my back.

"I know. I'm so sorry, Samantha. I... I wish there was something I could do."

I squeezed my eyes shut and forced myself to take another deep breath, and then another. I focused on the feeling of Grant's arms around me, his warmth, the sound of his heartbeat in his chest. It hurt, to remember the blood and the gore pouring out of Phil's chest, but I still had people here for me to hold on to.

Slowly, the initial flood of tears slowed, and my frantic breathing calmed to a more normal pace without me having to force it. I wasn't sure how long it took, but I knew Grant's arms stayed wrapped tightly around me the entire time.

Finally, I pulled back enough to look at him. His forehead creased with worry as he looked back, and I could still feel the jagged ache of my own heart grieving, physically painful in my chest. I knew it'd be with me for a long, long time. Maybe forever. But right now, Loki was still a threat. And if he got away with what he was trying to do, then Phil had died for nothing.