As you pack your last article of clothing into your small carry on bag, you begin to feel the the nerves coursing through your body like live electric wires. Never in a million years did you think that you would be this close to being placed into conversion therapy with the knowledge that it was your parents behind it and you certainly didn't think that one girl you met over the internet would be the difference of it all. Lauren provided help in a crucial time and without her, you weren't so sure you would be able to keep moving through life as easily as you had been. She didn't know it, but she most certainly has brought out a dormant part of you that you harbored to yourself when you discovered that ending up with a guy wasn't your ideal dream.
The first occurrence scared the shit out of you. It brushed upon you softly when you found yourself staring at your best friend a little too long while she was getting dressed into her night attire. When you caught yourself in the act, you felt as though you had committed something far beyond your knowledge at thirteen years old. The idea of dealing with something you were unfamiliar with kept your head reeling with thoughts of disappointed family members and lost friends. You told yourself over and over again that you could pretend to be straight; that you could live your life without telling anybody this secret. You repeated the mantra to yourself so often that you really believed you could do it, but as anyone who has been through this knows, it just doesn't disappear.
It's one of the hardest secrets to harbor and it's even harder to face the rejection of your closest friends and family. And when one night came about that you were alone in your dorm with the only sounds coming from the rain hitting the window pane, you watched as the drops rolled down the glass and dripped off into the grass, similar to the way the tears were rolling down your face. It sprung up out of all the oppressive thoughts that you had neglected for such a long time, so long that you had finally just cracked.
You had to tell somebody.
And you figured since everyone around you would have the same reaction, nearly telling you that you were going to hell, you'd find someone on the only place you had ever felt accepted.
The internet.
You'd find someone with a decent profile who seemed to have their values straight, so you wouldn't fall into some trap where a constant rant of homophobic slander would be waiting. It took two minutes before you found a profile that was halfway decent and had a profile photo of someone your recognized to be Matty Healy. You figured that'd be a good choice, so you went for it. And you are so grateful you did because now you have Lauren.
She listened, she cared and she most importantly never left or made you feel like you were a waste of her time. She opened her whole world up to you and never made you feel like you weren't welcome. And when you think about her, you find that your heart swells with this intense feeling of warmth and a smile always spreads across your face. Well, almost always.
Something about the fact that you are about to face her in less than an hour stirs this feeling in your gut that makes you feel like you're going to be sick. It's not her specifically, but it everything crashing down on you that you didn't think about before. She's faceless and soundless in your brain. Nothing more than a tone of voice that you have come to know as a mix of sarcasm and infatuation. She's a mere stranger in every sense but that. You aren't meeting someone you've known all your life. You're meeting someone you met a couple months ago and have never done anything but text. You suddenly begin to doubt everything you have ever known about her.
"Y/n," a voice thankfully breaks your thoughts as it calls through the door of your dorm, a voice you know like the back of your hand and it's the only voice that had ever been there for you until Lauren.
