PURSUE {Park Jihoon & Kang Daniel}

21

I dragged my feet as I walked and looked down at the ground. I almost bumped into a lamppost because I wasn't paying attention.
I mean that was my first kiss... How could I let that go so easily.

Even though I'm surprised, I'm not stupid. There were a few hints about his feelings but I just didn't take it seriously. Now I've lost my first kiss in a way I never thought I'd lose it.
I like him. I do. But this came as a shock in the worst moment possible.
How can I focus on Daniel now that this is occupying my mind. We were supposed to have a serious conversation too.

It was slowly getting darker and the time was way past five. It wouldn't surprise me if he wasn't there anymore.
I walked on the pavement and looked at the trees and their beautiful leaves gracefully falling on the ground around me. When I reached the park it was empty, not a single person in sight. In disappointment I sat down on a close bench and picked up a leaf laying in front of my foot. The leaf was red with several yellow and green dots splattered all over it. I found it to be very pretty.

For some reason I teared the pretty leaf in half and then held one piece in one hand the other in the other hand. Then I looked at it and I couldn't help but think of the past. Or maybe I should call it the time before everything messed up.
It made me think of Daniel and me again. That time when he was the only one I ever thought about. I know I say that he's like a brother to me and some times he is, I think. Or at least that's what I wanted him to be. How could I otherwise explain these strong feelings towards him?
But that reason doesn't make sense anymore because if I really only think of him as a brother then I wouldn't be feeling this guilt..

As I thought of the kiss again I grabbed one of the halfs and teared it in two as well. Now I had three pieces. One in one hand and two in the other.
Now I was looking at the present time, with me in one hand and Daniel and Jihoon in the other.

Jihoon kissed me and that means he likes me? Couldn't he have told me instead of stealing a kiss?!
I think I like him too so I can't say it was an unpleasent experience, only shocking.
I always become calmer when I'm with him and I don't mind when he holds my hand. I've done so many new things with him and I suppose you could call those times when we met for dates. I sometimes wished them to be. But I never thought of it as love.

I've tried not to think about love since Daniel got himself a girlfriend a few years ago which now is riddiculous because they broke up the same year and I've barely known anything about love at all. I mean I never knew I had feelings for Daniel at that time and still I shut my feelings out.

Now it all comes like waves, hitting me in the face.
I've really been dense..

×}{×}{×}{×

Time passed and when I looked at my watch it was now 6pm and I had no idea know why I still sat on the bench.
I had no reason to stay here in the cold anymore since Daniel had already left. It was freezing so I understand why he didn't wait. I also regret that I didn't bring a warm sweater, it was so cold. The thing is that I knew that I could just go home but I didn't feel like it. What would I do at home?

It wasn't pitch black but it was dark and I was alone which made me feel a bit unsafe. I was afraid that a group of drunken old creeps would walk by at some point. That's why I pretty much freaked out when a pair of hands touched my shoulders.
I stood up in a blink of an eye and turned around in fighting position only to see Daniel standing there in shock with his jacket in his hands.

"Sorry" He said and looked at the way I was standing. "You seemed cold." He raised the jacket so I would see.

I sighed heavily. "Please don't sneak up on me like that." At least I was relieved it was him and no one else.

"Why are you here now?" I asked.
He looked at me like he didn't get the question. "What do you mean? Weren't we supposed to meet here?"
"Yes, but that was an hour ago." I said while not really understanding the situation. "An hour ago? I thought we said now."
"No, an hour ago was the decided time." I spoke my words slowly so that he would understand me better. He seemed quite confused.

"Wait wait wait! Then why are you here an hour later if you knew the time?" He waved his hands in front of my face to make me stop explaining, then I avoided his questioning gaze. "I came here too late and thought that you had already left."
He stayed quiet for a while, then tried to lock his eyes with mine but I kept looking away. "And why were you late?" He asked with a soft and calm voice, maybe he was concered.

A wave of guilt hit me again when he made me remember. How could I tell him that I had been late because a guy kissed me and I took my time thinking about it. I don't want him to know about it.
"I had problems tying my shoelaces." Take this as a white lie. A necessary lie. A really bad excuse, but I couldn't think of anything else to say at the time.

He took a step back and glanced down at the ground. At first I thought he'd ask me more questions or confront me because he seemed to think about something, but instead he shrugged his shoulders. "Well, you have your reasons." At least he knew I lied about my shoelaces.

I have one reason and I'm glad I don't need to tell you today but please stop reminding me about it. Not now when I'm with you.
And why don't you smile as usually? What are we even here to talk about?
"Daniel?" I stepped closer to him and he looked down at me. "Hm?"

"What did you want to talk about?"

~To be continued~

Cutie Daehwi❤
This reaction of his is my
reaction to most things in life.