Mediocre Boulevard

s i x

Cloud and I had been spending a lot of time together. More than I would have thought when I'd first caught him staring up at my window. When Cloud kissed me I really gave a fuck and that was weird for me. He made feelings that I would have never accepted otherwise surface and I wasn't sure how to handle it except for kissing him back. He was a good distraction.

"So, what do you wanna do tomorrow?" Cloud asked as he laid his head on my stomach. Being close to him was strange to me but I didn't push him away. Cloud was nice and nice people usually didn't take rejection very well. I ran my hands through his ebony hair.

"I don't really care. As long we get food," I responded knowing that he was probably going to suggest that we go into town and find somewhere with decent food. I hated going into town. There were more people to stare and wonder what the fuck I was doing with the new kid.

"Come on. I wanna show you something," he whispered before pecking my lips. I hadn't gotten used to being so close to someone else. Cloud surprised me every time.

I followed him down the hallway of his house until we reached a door that I'd never given much thought to. It was covered in paint stains and stick on letters that didn't spell anything readable. It was messy but it was my kind of messy. The messy that I liked because of Cloud.

"This was supposed to be a guest room but I'm sure you've realized that my family isn't exactly normal," he started before slowly opening the door, "This room is where we come to paint when we're feeling so overcome with emotion that there is just no other way to express ourselves."

As we stood in the doorway of the room I noticed a large pile of canvases and tall shelves full of paint bottles and glass jars full of different sized paint brushes. The hardwood floors were sprinkled with different sized paint splatters and there was a fresh canvas waiting on an isle in the middle of the room.

"We had a room like this in our old house too. When I was little my parent's were thinking about getting a divorce and then my dad brought home...a paint kit. He sat in the guest room all night and he painted. Then when he was done he brought the painting to my mother and she just...she got it. She knew what it meant. I watched them hold each other and promise that they would never leave each other as long as whenever there was a problem they would paint how they feel. I kind of picked up the habit and I've been painting since I started elementary school. These mean ass boys broke my arm. Given, I painted with one hand," he admitted as he brought me further into the room.

I didn't know how to feel about this boy opening up to me about something that was clearly personal and important to his family. I had never been put in a situation like this before. 

"I painted something after the first time we kissed," he continued before pulling a used canvas off of the rack in the corner. "I painted it because you made me so...so angry," he whispered before turning around to face me. The canvas was covered in red and blue blotches. It was more of watercolor if anything. I wanted to feel offended but I decided to keep my cool. He was only expressing himself to me and I did that every time I told him to 'fuck off'.

"You just pushed me away. As if we hadn't just kissed. As if I didn't matter. So...I painted this. You can keep it if you want. I'd be offended if you didn't," he offered with a blank stare on his face.

His emotions were ever-changing and almost gave me whiplash. The bubbly and happy Cloud I'd just witnessed was now angry and reeked of sadness. What the hell was going on?

"Cloud. I'm not your girlfriend and I'm not the kind of person to just invest myself in some bullshit fantasy about love. You basically told me that you wanted me to be your wife! We're like seventeen for fuck's sake! If you're looking for a wife then you should just go and kiss Caroline or something. I can't...I can't reciprocate these feelings that you have," I spoke before running a hand through my hair.

Cloud looked me in the eye before he placed the painting back on the rack. "You're different. I knew that from the moment you told me to get the fuck away from your window. But you can't sit here and tell me that you've never thought of giving yourself to someone else. Making someone else feel special because they make you feel special too."

"Oh. My. Gosh. Your parents screwed you up! You think love is the ultimate possibility. Hate to break it to you—not really—but sometimes people just don't want to fall in love.  They sure as hell don't fall in love after one kiss. You can keep your weird ass painting and your fantasy to yourself," I yelled before leaving the room completely.

I was almost out of the house when a hand grabbed my upper arm gently. I turned around to see Mr. St. James with a frown on his face. "Get. Off." I demanded through my teeth. Who the fuck was he to touch me anyway?

"Alright, young lady. You are going to shut your mouth and listen to me. My son is not screwed up just because he likes you. He isn't screwed up just because I found a therapeutic way to release strong emotion in my household. If my son likes you it means he sees something in you and your foul mouth will never speak to him like that again. He is too good for you to treat him like a piece of shit. Am I clear?" He ranted before letting me go.

I stood in shock as I processed the words he'd just spoken to me. I had never allowed anyone to speak to me in such a way but for some reason, I couldn't tell Cloud's dad to fuck off. He was right and I was just too stupid to try with Cloud. It was too weird for me.

"I can't," I whispered before walking out of their house.

It felt like the night air was choking me.

It felt like I was actually starting to feel something.

It felt like Cloud had climbed one of my walls and staked his claim to the ground beneath my being.