Mediocre Boulevard

t e n

Cloud recovered quickly and soon we were sitting on the curb in front of my house drinking Coke and talking about nothing.

Since the barbecue, Bryce had checked up on Cloud at least twice while he was in the hospital and they were actually becoming friends. Caroline hadn't bothered to show her face and Mrs. Holt had picked up on the nasty habit of smoking.

Cloud's parents had forgiven me and allowed Cloud to continue being in my company. Cloud and I were almost the same but there was definitely a difference.

He kissed me whenever he wanted and I let him because I didn't have it in me to push him away. He held me and he caressed my body as if we were together. I let him though.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked me as he played with a piece of my hair. I shook my head and gave him a small smile.

I couldn't tell him that he was messing with my mind. Not when he was so comfortable and dependent on me. Cloud made me feel different. He made me think different.

"What do you wanna do today? We could go to park and mess around on the jungle gym," I suggested.

Cloud shook his head and brought our heads together. "I just want to relax for a little while. It feels like I've been running around doing hard labor. My mom thinks it's depression. She thinks I should paint. I just...haven't been able to paint anything lately," he admitted.

I felt responsible for that. For him, not painting. Like my opinion had made him ashamed. He should have been able to paint about being stabbed. I could see it in his eyes how scared he was. How he flinched sometimes. "You should paint. We could...both paint," I suggested even though I'd said shitty things about his family's coping method.

Cloud seemed shocked my words before he hesitantly nodded and helped me up from the curb.

Painting in an unfamiliar room was somewhat intimidating. It made me feel like I was invading the St. James' space.

I watched Cloud as he began painting. I could see that he missed it. That he was only waiting for my approval. That made me feel like shit.

I painted the letters of my name in the effort of making Cloud comfortable. Trying to make him see that I accepted his way of expressing himself.

We painted for about an hour before the saddening sound of sobbing broke the silence. I lifted my head to see Cloud sitting on a chair in the corner of the room sobbing into his forearm.

I didn't ask what was the matter. I knew that he was just releasing what he'd been holding in since he left the hospital. I just got up and held him to my chest. The old me would have probably been awkward but it felt natural to comfort Cloud. He sobbed harder until I cooed at him to calm down. Until I told him that everything was alright.

When Cloud did stop crying he held onto me for what felt like forever. I didn't mind though. Cloud was my one exception to...everything.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be crying like a little boy," he mumbled before removing his head from my chest. He stood up and wiped at his face. I didn't respond because I didn't know what to say. In my eyes, Cloud could do whatever the fuck he wanted.

His eyes were red along with his nose but he couldn't have looked more beautiful to me. I did something that I hadn't done before and I kissed him first. Cloud placed his palm on my cheek as I wrapped my arms around his neck. Sometimes he was just too damn tall.

His lips tasted like tears but I leaned in further not giving a fuck. Kissing Cloud was something that would always shock me. The fact that I liked doing it at least.

"Fuck," he whispered after we pulled away. I bit my lip and rested my head against his chest. His heart became a lullaby to me making me cling to him tighter. I was probably freaking him out with my sudden need to be close to him but even if I was he didn't tell me.

We stood holding each other until Mrs. St. James cleared her throat and offered us lunch. We accepted and I was once again sitting at the dining room table with Cloud's parents. Only this time Cloud held my hand under the table.

"It's good to see you guys on good terms again," Mrs. St. James smiled as she looked at her son. I smiled a little and watched Cloud as he nodded.

I had never been close to a boy like I'd been close to Cloud. I had never felt the way Cloud was making me feel.

As I lay in bed that night I thought about Cloud. I thought about how he had turned what I thought would be a boring summer into me finding and discovering a foreign part of myself.

A part of myself that I was in a way terrified of. It was too unfamiliar and it made me feel vulnerable. As if I was standing naked in front of everyone. As if Cloud was too except he was comfortable with it. As if he was enjoying the show.

"Fuck," I mumbled into my pillow.  My head was full of confusion. I wanted to jump Cloud's bones but I also wanted to push him away and tell him to fuck off.

Fuck me? Or fuck off?

What the hell?

I decided to just get up and find something to do instead of torturing myself in bed. I knew my mother was downstairs watching one of her television shows so I decided to just jump on my bed. I jumped on my bed when I was super bored and I sometimes listened to music.

My mother really hadn't scolded me for my ways since the barbecue. She'd actually become enjoyable to be around.

I grabbed my phone and clicked on my playlist before I stood up on my bed. Jumping to a song about a prostitute seemed much better than thinking about my feelings for Cloud.

"Roxanne! You don't have to put on the red light!" I sang along. I let The Police get me through another thirty minutes of the night before there was a tap on my window.

I paused my music and jumped down until I was standing in front of my window. There stood Cloud in the same position I'd met him in staring up at my window. He was so handsome.

After sliding up the window I leaned down and smiled a little, "I thought I told you to stop staring up at my window."

Cloud let out that beautiful laugh before he placed his hands into the pockets of that classic jacket. "I believe you told me to get the fuck away from your window."

"I'm pretty sure I did," I responded before pulling the elastic off of my wrist to tie my hair up.

"Well, why don't you get your pretty ass down here and go somewhere with me?" He asked with a smile on his pale face.

The distraction I was hoping for hadn't shown up at my window. The reason for my confusion had.