Mediocre Boulevard

t h i r t e e n

"You mean to tell me that you've never had rug burn?" I asked Cloud as I allowed him to rub aloe cream onto the burns on my back. As of lately Cloud and I had been together more often and the most recent time ended up on the floor of his bedroom.

"I'm sorry, babe. Next time we'll do it on the bed," he apologized. I nodded and sighed in relief. The coolness from the aloe was starting to soothe me slowly.

Cloud laid me down on my stomach—this time on his bed—before he laid down next to me. I closed my eyes and contemplated taking a nap. He'd had kept me up for the better part of the night and as a result, I was spent.

"Charlie?" He asked as he ran his finger across my upper lip. I smiled and kissed his finger before humming in reply.

"What are we?" He asked sounding like an insecure teenage girl. I took a deep breath and shrugged my aching shoulders. "I don't know. Fucking?"

I opened my eyes to see Cloud frowning before he took his finger away from my mouth. His adorable smile was gone and replaced with a thin line of frustration.

"Fucking? Is that all I'll ever be? A good fuck?" He asked turning so that he was on his side facing me completely. I sighed and shrugged again. I didn't want to think about the future. The future scared the shit out of me.

"That can't be it, Charlie. This has to be more than fucking," he said before sitting up; running a hand through his hair.

I sat up as well even though I was still in pain, "Why can't we just be Cloud and Charlie. Why does there have to be a label on what we're doing?"

Cloud rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. I noticed that he did that when he was getting emotional. "I don't just fuck. I invest myself and expect something in return. I expect something more than just fucking," he admitted.

I shook my head and threw my shirt on. "You fucked Caroline. Did you ask her what you're asking me?" I asked knowing damn well I was being spiteful for bringing that bitch up.

Cloud stood up and walked to the other side of his room before turning to me with an angry expression on his face. "Damn it, Charlie! Why are you bringing up old shit? Huh? What are you fucking me for if you're still bothered about the Caroline thing?" He yelled as I too stood up.

"Why the fuck does it matter, Cloud. We fuck sometimes! Damn! Why do you have to make everything so complicated? This was going so well!" I yelled back. I didn't want to give up my absolute freedom for temporary happiness. It just wasn't me.

"This? What is this? There is no this if you can't even acknowledge that something is going on!" He scoffed. I watched anger creep up his neck in red blotches. I'd never seen him so angry. If anything he'd only been a little rude but I could tell he was beyond pissed.

"This is just fucking," I said before turning to leave his room. Going home seemed better than getting yelled at.

"Hello no! Don't you dare walk away from me, Charlie!" He exclaimed before grabbing my arm. Why the fuck was he always grabbing my arm? Cloud brought me back to his bed and sat me down before closing his room door.

"What more do you want, Cloud? You knew how I felt before you fucked me! I told you that I didn't want to be your fucked up fantasy of a wife! I don't want to be your girlfriend! Fuck! You make everything in my head so fucking complicated! If this is how it's gonna be then just let me go home and you can find someone else to play your little girlfriend!" I screamed pulling at my hair.

"What the fuck are you so afraid of? Huh? What so wrong with me wanting to love you?" He asked as he leaned down on his knees taking my hands into his. My eyes burned as I held back tears. I refused to cry about this bullshit.

He loved me.

"I'm not scared!" I yelled in his face. How dare he accuse me of something so fucking stupid? I pushed him away only for him to push me back onto the bed. He was careful not to allow my burns to make contact with the rough sheets, turning me on my side.

How caring.

"Tell. Me. What. You. Are. So. Afraid. Of." He demanded quietly as he stared into my eyes. I shook my head resisted with no victory.

"Tell me. Come on," he pushed further. I let the first of many tears fall as I grabbed the back of his shirt in a tight grip. There was no way someone as pure and beautiful as Cloud could possibly want to love me. I was such a bitch. So fucking isolated from the rest of the world.

There was something wrong with me. Before Cloud, I was so content with being alone and now the thought of it scared me shitless. I didn't want to feel so empty. I didn't want to be so mean.

"You can't love me! I'm a horrible bitch of a person! A relationship between you and I would only end in flames because I am incapable of fully committing myself to someone else. You won't want me anymore. Nobody will!" I yelled out before lowering my voice. "Nobody loves me," I whispered before choking on a sob.

Cloud leaned down until our noses were touching and ran his thumb across my temple before whispering, "Remember what you told me when we first met?"

What the fuck did that have to do with anything? "What? What about it?" I responded as I sniffled. Shit. Crying was stupid.

He sighed and kissed my lips before pulling back a little, "You told me that I would end up just like everyone else in this town. An artificial, talentless, nobody."

"Shit. I hate myself for being so cruel to you. I told you." I mumbled before I broke eye contact. Looking into his eyes made me feel so unworthy. Like I was draining the life out of the sun.

"Hey, Charlie. Look at me, babe," he whispered before as he searched for my gaze. I looked back at him immediately regretting it. He looked so fallen. So fucking content with inviting me to bring my fucked up being into his life completely.

"If you say I'm nobody, then nobody loves you, baby," he whispered before kissing me so hard our teeth clashed against each other. Fuck. He was so convincing. So fucking sweet. So fucking good.

"You hear that? I love you. I love every part of you." He said between kisses. I whimpered and pulled away before rubbing my fiber across his eyebrow.

"I'm so fucked up, Cloud. I'm a horrible person. I don't see the world the same way as you. Wouldn't you prefer someone sweet and less complicated?" I questioned wanting confirmation that he was truly accepting me rude bitch and all.

"I don't care about your shitty outlook on life. I love you, damn it," he smiled before kissing me again.

This was it. Confirmation. That weird feeling I got when I was around Cloud.

Acceptance.

Love.